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» Tightwads

False Economy
House Cold.

Pub Warm.

Can you see the logic that my frozen brain then followed?

Unfortunately the pub also serves beer.
(Mon 27th Oct 2008, 10:07, More)

» Tightwads

Let's just say I had something of a reputation for tightness. (Completely undeserved I might add).

I once bought some beer from Netto as liquid accompaniment to a poker session round a mate's.

Being somewhat "careful" with money and good with numbers, I worked out that, in terms of the alcohol being consumed, it was better value to buy 16 cans of Norseman Lager (at a blistering 1.39% ABV and 65 for 4 cans) rather than Normal Beer.
(I kid you not about the 2nd decimal place. They were so keen to promote their beer that they felt justified in giving it that second decimal place).

Believe me it is not possible to drink quickly enough to get drunk. It was easier to just sit on the toilet drinking rather than have to get up constantly. Or even better, just throw it straight down the growler.
(Consider the Science: This muck is about 3 times weaker than Proper Beer. A good pace is 2 pints an hour, therefore you have to drink 6 pints of this stuff to acheive the same effects. Have you ever tried to drink 6 pints an hour, every hour, until the end of the night? Imagine the strain on the old bladder. Oooooo.).

The final impossibility is then to try and lose the title of "Weak Beer Man".
(Mon 27th Oct 2008, 10:32, More)

» Pointless Experiments

I brew things. In the past I reckon there is very little me and dave (shameless plug for dmonbeer) haven't tried fermenting:
Coca cola (not the good stuff - cheap asda rip-off. Bloody awful)
Marrow (don't believe the hype. Goddam awful)
Pea pod (despite the promises, this actually tastes worse than it sounds).
Chilli beer. This was in the days where chilli beer first hit the market in the UK. Many mistakes were made here:
1. Thinking chilli beer might actually be a good idea (it isn't);
2. Thinking for 1 chilli per litre of beer "should be about right" (it isn't)
3. Ensuring that the maximum heat from the chilli enters the beer by cutting the infernal fruit open to expose the delicious seeds
4. Not trying it out on 1 litre before contaminating the whole batch (23 litres).

Imagine the hottest kebab you've ever tasted, dissolved in nitric acid and carefully blended with beer by someone who really shouldn't have.

I managed to drink a quarter of a pint.
A friend of mine took some for a forfeit pint in some bizarre drinking game/ritual.

Just before I saw sense and through it down the sink, I decided to make gravy with it. I hadn't thought it was possible to make it taste worse.
That quickly followed the beer down the sink too.

Learned my lesson since then.
(Fri 25th Jul 2008, 12:34, More)

» Old stuff I still know

Way down deep in the middle of the congo,
A hippo took an apricot, a guava and a mango,
He stuck it with the others and he danced a dainty tango,
The rhino said "I know! We'll call it Um-Bongo",

Um-bongo, Um-bongo, they drink it in the Congo.

The python picked the passion fruit, the marmoset the mandarin,
The parrot painted packets that the whole caboodle landed it,
So when it comes to sun and fun and goodness in the jungle,
We all prefer the sunny, funny one we call UM-BONGO!

Um-bongo, Um-bongo, they drink it in the Congo.
Um-bongo, Um-bongo, they drink it in the Congo.


I'll be your dog!!!!
(Fri 1st Jul 2011, 12:33, More)

» Common

McDonalds ...
... is not a fucking restaurant.

It's a take-away. At best. Nothing more.
(Thu 16th Oct 2008, 17:16, More)
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