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» Killed to DEATH

A heroic rescue....
Let us first set the scene... my mother is terrified of spiders. To the point where she can suffer heart palpitations and potentially need hospitalisation.
On this given day of manliness, I was happily watching the football (soccer for my American comrades), and my dearest mum was doing the weekly laundry. Imagine my dismay, when I heard a blood curdling scream coming from back of the house. Sensing danger, I rushed to aid my petrified mother, to discover, spinning its web across the door to the yard, a garden spider of titanic proportions. I'm sure this thing was attempting to seal us into our own home with it's web of steel.
Thusly, to protect our castle, and to relieve the terror of a damsel in distress, I proceeded to pick up the first heavy object that came to hand to eradicate this pest.
Due to my hobby as a budding Airsofter, the first object to hand happened to one of my replica, gas operated pistols. To put the firepower into perspective, this has a muzzle velocity of approximitely 250 Mph, firing pellets of plastic weighing .2g, at ranges easily around 50-60 feet. Not much to a large adult human, altho I have known the larger weapons of this type break flesh at close range, but to a spider, infinitely lethal.
With a smile on my face, I picked up the object of immenent distruction, placed the barrel within a mere inch of the offending creature, and pulled the trigger.
It was as my finger gripped the trigger, I had realised what I had done. Not only had I applied force the equivilent of a howitzer to a unarmoured man to the unfortunate spider, but had neglected to check the setting on the pistol. By chance, the particular weapon of choice, was none other than a Glock 18C. Those among you who have an affinity with weapons, or play Call of Duty on a regular basis, will know what this means, but to those who do not, the C, for all intents and purposes, designates fully automatic fire.

I had, in one pull of the trigger, and in less than 2 seconds, emptied a 23 shot magazine, into a spider. There were no survivors. Nothing to suggest a web had existed. There was not so much as a stain where the spider had been, it had been simply vaporised.

To this day, I cannot look at a spider without a smile crossing my face.....
(Thu 22nd Dec 2011, 14:18, More)