» Conned

Caught a scammer
Before I started living the dream, I worked part time in a computer game shop, we had a no quibble 30 day return policy on console games - to aid baffled mothers return the wrong games.
Anyway this dude appeared in store with a receipt and a game he wanted to return, he'd paid cash and the game was still in it's original shrink wrapping, it was near christmas so I did a basic refund with the manager watching. As soon as it went quiet, I decided to put the stock back on the shelf, but I thought I'd open it up first (just a hunch).

Yup no disc in the box, the cheeky begger had kept the disc, re-shrinkwrapped the box and filled the inside with paper.

I bet he thought he was really clever, however he wasn't that clever, as the paper he'd used to fill the box was made up of the literature we sent out with our reward points. With the scammers name and address on it..........he got charged (the police raided his house) and banned for life. I still see the guy in town and he always tries to give me this scary stare, which I then point and laugh at.

Yay for me.
(Thu 18th Oct 2007, 20:30, More)

» Get Rich Quick

Become a singer!
I can only speak for the North-East circuit but you can earn up to £175 a night four nights a week for 90 mins of atonal warbling.

Even after buying my own PA I was making profit within 3 weeks, it's mental.

Length......90 mins plus two more.
(Thu 31st Jul 2008, 23:34, More)

» Phobias

Bit of a strange one.
I'm horrified by Beetroot. The idea of it. The taste of it. The SMELL of it. The look of it. Blaarrrgh.

Even being near it can cause me to hyperventilate, the wife thinks it's really funny however and keeps a jar of it in the house to threaten me with if I don't do my chores.

Am I alone in this irrational fear of the purply dribbly horror?
(Thu 10th Apr 2008, 15:38, More)

» Voyeurism

It's all a bit wrong
I and my nephew (2 years younger than me. Don't ask) were out getting wankered in a very grotty dive in Great Yarmouth, it was an underground smokey den called 'The Crypt' and as you can imagine it was full of goths and other people with severe personality disorders (us included), anywhoo they used to do a deal whereupon it was only £1 a shot of tequila, my nephew and I are exceptionally competitive and decided to have a tequila race. £20 was placed upon the bar and we managed to drink 10 shots each. We were feeling really quite rough at this point and decided to wile away the night by leaping around like loons.

As we were being twunts, I noticed a girl who I vaguely knew because my Dad knew her Dad etc. She was pretty rough to be honest and she had brought along an equally rough mate. Me and the nephew shrugged our shoulders and decided to try our luck.

So we are back at her place with her friend cosying up to me and my nephew necking with the family "friend" it turns out there was only one bed in her place and she said it would be fun for us all to share it.

It wasn't, I started to feel really unwell and managed to throw up all over my squeeze and myself. We had to wash ourselves up, so after we'd cleaned up we decided to go watch what was going on in the other room. Cue my nephew and our old family friend humping away with us two cheering him on.........In retrospect I think there is something wrong with me.

Length.........it's my nephew, I've already seen far too much.
(Wed 17th Oct 2007, 21:32, More)

» Insults

These are yours!
I was out drinking with my matey the almighty Wressel, now she's a big girl and very very funny but she does get a bit of stick, however I kind of look forward to any blokes being twunts to her because she comes out with some great lines.

So anyway out we were in a bar in Durham just a few feet from a big gang of lads, one of them looks at his mates and saunters over to Wressel
'Hey gorgeous, my mate fancies you....hurhur'

Wressel puts down her pint of cider and flips him the v's with one hand
'These are yours'
She then flips him the v's with the other hand
'These are your mate's', now kiss my fat arse and fuck right off'
Shortly followed by monkey boy scuttling off

I love The Wress me.
Oh and my personal favourite insult is Cock-Snot. Yay

Oh yeah, POP!
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 14:28, More)