b3ta.com user Lherkin
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» Black Sheep

My stepmother
My dad had an affair, and ended up marrying the awful attention-seeking alleged "wifebeating victim" who, about a year later when my dad was starting to regret his decision, began to suffer with a string of conveniently undiagnosable syndromes, which means she now has to go round in a spaz chariot. The doctors are baffled and say they can't find anything wrong - we all think she's perfectly able to walk, but he is entirely taken in by this scamster. She frequently has some sort of fit (occurring only when she is not centre of attention). When visiting my grandfather on his deathbed, we were all gently speaking to him, when she deemed it necessary not only to throw a fit, but also to slide out of her wheelchair onto the floor right under his hospital bed. She did it again on the kitchen floor in front of the extended family at his funeral wake, at which point my uncle just stepped over her asking "More wine anyone?". Respect.
(Sun 16th Jan 2005, 0:51, More)

» Winning

When I was about 6 years old (in the 70s) my parents took us to some village fete. They bought us kids a ticket each for the tombola. Now I was shy delicate little girl, so when my number was called out I was embarrassed to go up and get the prize in front of everyone. However, my parents made me "be a big girl" and do it.

On handing over my ticket, I was presented with a grotty catering size tin of meatballs in gravy - the 70s version of Happy Shopper brand - with the matching ticket sellotaped onto the top. I was mortified. Could barely hold the tin up. It was about 2kg. They wouldn't swap it for the sweets, or even a can of peaches. Bastards. I never entered a tombola again.
(Thu 28th Apr 2011, 22:57, More)