b3ta.com user Daveth Koresh
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Profile for Daveth Koresh:
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I just watch the funny pictures and read the funny stories.

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» Weird Rituals

Over politness comes out as retardation
Instead of saying "thanks" or "cheers" I say "thankscheers". I think it's because I get nervous, but it makes people think I have some kind of disorder.
(Sat 17th Dec 2011, 19:17, More)

» Advice from Old People

If its got two tits and a cunt
fuck it.

Given by my drunken father, to one of my friends.
(Wed 25th Jun 2008, 18:10, More)

» Bullshit and Bullshitters

Blowjob based lies
I have been friends with a lovely guy, W, since starting at secondary school. He'll do anything for you until someone cooler comes along, at which point he will stab you repeatedly in the back for kicks.
I think you can work out what this guy, aged about 17, spent most of his day thinking about when you look at his lies.
A classic was, while we sat and chatted in a pub, he came back from the toilet having just "got a cheeky blowjob". Having had enough of his lies so pressed for details.
"She was just in one of the cubicles, so I undid my belt and she sucked it."
"If I go to the toilets now will she still be there?"
He starts getting angry. "No, she swallowed and left before me." Knowing from experiance that pressing his lies will ruin a good night we leave it.

This social black-mail meant that we left many of his lies standing. These include:
Getting a blowjob on a ferry from a group of horny convent school girls.
Buying a gun from a man in out town that turned out to be my friends older brother who has never even seen an RL gun.
Having a 4x1 metre roll of LSD Tabs, we shouldn't try them incase we had a bad trip.
He carried £100,000 strapped to his body, to France, for his Dad's company and got a 1% kickback.
While he was training at Raymond Blanc's 4 Seasons (which he did), he regularly got pissed with "Ray" after service and was too good to train there so Ray "hooked him up" with a better job in France for the ski season.
Now he's in France and has hired a car despite not having a driving license, because "the French are well safe".
(Fri 14th Jan 2011, 2:52, More)

» Pet Peeves

Bias in the news
Many young people go missing each year.
However, one blonde middle-class brat scarpers and we have a massive 1 year anniversary speical!

Also, we hear endless amounts about watever in vogue totalitarian regime, TV bosses choose, while others are left to oppress their people in peace.

AND why oh why, are hezbollah slated constantly for killing Israelis? Yet little is mentioned about the Israeli government killing far more Palestinians, that it has done for the last 50 years.
(Sat 3rd May 2008, 20:08, More)

» Weird Rituals

Also, when I'm a passenger in a car I cut the bushes/trees with the marks on the window.
I move my head up and down so the mark I choose lines up with the level I need to cut at on the roadside foliage. If the mark accidentally passes through a sign post or a bit of a tree I deep too think to cut with my puny window-mark (which i pretend is alternately a saw or a laser) then I lose. It results in me nodding like I'm learning the Qu'ran.
(Sat 17th Dec 2011, 19:37, More)
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