b3ta.com user astrosinmyeyes
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» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

Before digital cameras
I used to do this when I lived in London 8 or so years ago before digital cameras became popular.
As you'll know when walking about popular tourist spots you inevitably get the request to take someones photo.
No problems, I do it every time.
My guilty pleasure, cutting off their heads or taking pictures completely off centre. Must have been so irritating for them to get back home and develope their photos and find their only photo of them outside big ben RUINED.
SORRY, a bit.
Man I miss those days
(Mon 17th Mar 2008, 23:17, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Fell out of a London bus (the old routemasters)
You know when the bus slows down before a traffic light, you know its not going that fast, its safe to jump off right???

WRONG, don't do it.
Especially not at Piccadilly circus.
Especially not at Christmas.
Especially not in front of a tour group.

Hit the floor running and after two steps my momentum caught up with my feet. Down goes head, up goes feet. Rolled three times before stopping in a heap with a group of tourists staring wide eyed at me.

My head and knees hurt for a day or so after but my cheeks still blaze at the thought.

They should put a sign up or something.
(Sun 23rd Dec 2007, 12:01, More)

» My most gullible moment

My mates a bit gullible
My mate, lets call him Archie (for that is his nickname) is Scottish and recently moved to South Africa (where I´m from) and is just beginning to settle in to our sometimes odd way of life, habits, customs etc. Cue his phone call to me:
Archie: Hey mate you don´t know any way to get rid of crickets, do you.
Thinking off the cuff, I reply: Yeah, just cut a small square of really strong blue cheese, add a dollop of tabasco sauce on top and put one in every corner....
Archie: Cheers mate, let you know how I get on.

Had to call him back after I had stopped laughing and tell him it was a joke. I was in the apartheid museum at the time, a very sombre reflective place (please go and visit if youre ever in the area) and not the place to suddernly burst out laughing uncontrolably.............

Would have loved to have let him do it, but I´m not that much of a b3st3rd.
(Sun 24th Aug 2008, 18:18, More)

» I Quit!

When I first moved to London from sunny South Africa, I did the usual bumming about and wasted a good deal of money on not much of worth. Finally being a bit short of cash I dived into the TNT magazine. The advert read something like:
"Make 100 pounds a day raising money for charity, save the planet and get rich at the same time."

Easy money eh???
NO not really, spent about 2 hours getting briefed on what we are raising money for, trees or something, as I recall and then get issued with a plastic bucket thing, some pamphlets and 'my patch'- OUTSIDE KINGS CROSS STATION. Now heres how you make your money, 10 percent of whatever gets put in your bucket you keep, nice no. NO, whoever can get 1000 pounds a day in charity donations on the street should be working for NASA or something its IMPOSSIBLE.
Imagine if you will a very green 18 year old standing outside Kings Cross station asking for donations to save some [email protected]$king trees in South America.......
Do you think ANYONE coming out of Kings Cross station cares about enviromental issues, do they [email protected]$k.
Proud to say I lasted all of 25 minutes before phoning the home base to tell them to stick it.
I returned the next day to drop off my bucket at 'reception' feeling a bit bad for not giving it more of a shot only to find a pile of about 30 returned buckets. Don't think they were too bothered.
How these charities make any money is beyond me.
(Thu 22nd May 2008, 23:20, More)

» Evil Pranks

I work in a hotel
So there is always plenty of opportunties for pranks. My favourites include:

Adam is always leaving his coffee cup or coke glass unattended, so while he's not looking things find there way into his cup/glass. Started with 5 extra sugars, moved onto salt and then vinager. Last week however I outdid myself. He left a full glass of coke on the table which I emptied a half bottle of tabasco sauce into. But me being me that wasn't enough, I has to go and smear the outside of the glass with jalapeno peppers. Oh how I laughed as he was bending over the sink unable to breath, tears streaming out of his eyes. He got me back though. Try taking a big gulp out of a cup of coffee half filled with celery salt.

We hang out jackets on the edge of a fridge on coathangers and my boss being a shortish fellow has to reach up and pull down his jacket put it on. So one day i come in a bit early and attaching the coathanger to a length of fishing gut and attaching that to a 2kg sugar box gaffer taped to the roof above his head. Filled with toothpicks. Pull the coathanger down and presto, a toothpick shower.... Ever seen 2000 toothpicks drifting earthwards onto a very bewildered spainard? Priceless!!!!!!!

Now that I think about it his jacket has taken quite some abuse. Once filled evey pocket with foil covered sugar cubes, bottle tops amd teaspoons then sewed his pokets closed. Jacket weighed about 10kgs and took ages for him to open the pokets. Oh and every now and then I sew his left jacket sleeve closed about 2 inches below the elbow. (He puts his jacket on right arm first-try it!!) How I havent got fired I dont know..........

We have a mobile phone system for communicating between departments, every manager has one, so thats 10-15 phones in operation at one time, perfect. Pick a target and have everyone take turns to call him/her at two minute intervals, then hang up (during service times is the best) takes a while for them to catch on.......

I am waiting for my retribution, its gonna be messy......
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 20:27, More)
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