b3ta.com user Flash_Bastard
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Hails from Glasgow

Recent front page messages:

(Tue 12th Nov 2019, 22:45, More)

(Wed 24th Jul 2019, 20:13, More)


(Mon 14th May 2018, 15:26, More)

(Tue 19th Dec 2017, 14:43, More)

(Thu 16th Nov 2017, 14:59, More)

Le Harvey Oswald

(Fri 15th Sep 2017, 17:55, More)

(Fri 25th Aug 2017, 13:50, More)

(Fri 23rd Sep 2016, 16:59, More)

Like Ninepins

(Thu 14th Jan 2016, 20:55, More)

(Thu 8th Oct 2015, 1:09, More)

(Tue 22nd Sep 2015, 17:24, More)

(Wed 25th Mar 2015, 21:25, More)

(Thu 15th Jan 2015, 1:10, More)

"I would like to nominate, The Girl with a Pearl Earring, the wee guy out of The Scream, oh and Whistler's mother"

(Tue 26th Aug 2014, 17:52, More)

(Thu 27th Feb 2014, 14:58, More)

(Fri 27th Sep 2013, 20:34, More)

(Fri 26th Jul 2013, 23:55, More)

(Tue 2nd Jul 2013, 22:39, More)

I expect it has been done a million times... but here's the millionth-and-oneth time

(Fri 16th Apr 2010, 20:26, More)

Vincent... in happier times

(Tue 23rd Mar 2010, 20:48, More)

The social life of a Polar bear

(Wed 3rd Jun 2009, 10:54, More)

Something tells me he ain't finished yet

(Tue 12th Dec 2006, 21:54, More)

look closely for the hidden...............taaaraaaaaaa!!!

(Fri 27th Oct 2006, 21:18, More)


(Sat 21st Oct 2006, 23:58, More)

Right... that's the eyebrows, the chin, just the minge to go and that should keep that cunt DaVinci happy tomorrow

(Sat 19th Mar 2005, 22:26, More)

they were blissfully unaware that the simple act of stepping off the pavement had saved them from the evil stalker

(Fri 18th Mar 2005, 22:28, More)

Sigh....Nearly son, nearly!

(Sat 3rd Apr 2004, 1:38, More)

Addressing the pygmy witch doctor as 'Oi, Short Arse' was another of Phil the Greeks less diplomatic moments

(Sat 8th Mar 2003, 1:24, More)

Sometimes, Tommy would wait for hours.... but then they'd come....

(Fri 28th Feb 2003, 23:59, More)

Hello Hell? This is Blash_Fastard... I think I have a reservation!

(Wed 26th Feb 2003, 22:51, More)

The Dog Star

(Mon 24th Feb 2003, 23:49, More)

It's true what they say. There's someone out there for everyone.

(Sun 23rd Feb 2003, 21:56, More)

From the team who brought you the moon landings!

(Sat 22nd Feb 2003, 23:51, More)

It's a repost... but it has a relevancy to the compo I guess, so... "Casting a REAL Robin in the role of Robin alongside 'Batcat' was a bad idea"

(Sat 22nd Feb 2003, 0:00, More)

"Built in the Mists of Time" my arse!

(Thu 20th Feb 2003, 22:03, More)

Since the re-launch of the product they can't keep up with demand for these little guys! Click for better view of 'A Busy Day At The Milky Bar Kid Factory'

(Wed 19th Feb 2003, 23:10, More)


(Sun 16th Feb 2003, 20:21, More)

.... in the end they both just went home!

(Sat 15th Feb 2003, 0:43, More)

I don't mind saying, but doing this almost drove me over the edge! :) AND there is NO biggy... bad enough trying to get this down to a reasonable size. Anyway... I did it, and now you can have it.

(Wed 12th Feb 2003, 20:06, More)

click for bigger

(Tue 11th Feb 2003, 19:54, More)

Dedicated to Carlossthejackass... who finds my stuff, somehow, disturbing. :)

(Sun 9th Feb 2003, 1:34, More)

This took far too long..... he just wouldn't sit still!

(Fri 7th Feb 2003, 0:36, More)


(Tue 4th Feb 2003, 22:34, More)

...and then they found them....... tucked away on the top shelf, between the WD40 and the jar of dried up paintbrushes

(Tue 28th Jan 2003, 23:56, More)

"Pass me up a beer will you Grampa... Grampa?...... Grampa!!!"

(Sat 25th Jan 2003, 1:10, More)

At the end of the day it's nice to get your feet up

(Tue 21st Jan 2003, 23:44, More)

What with the Lights, the Floor, the Suit... it just wasn't working... then someone suggested "Why not just plain white?"... The rest is history!

(Sun 19th Jan 2003, 1:46, More)

They knew the scene just wasn't working....

(Sat 18th Jan 2003, 15:42, More)

I told you it would all end in tears

(Sun 12th Jan 2003, 21:10, More)

The race for the best seat on the tube was always a fierce one....

(Sun 12th Jan 2003, 1:10, More)

Raelian kids have been around for years.... they are perfectly normal.... I saw this one playing on our local beach

(Sat 11th Jan 2003, 11:49, More)

Our Grandfathers had Pipe Hats.... our Grandchildren will have Halfpipe Hats

(Sat 4th Jan 2003, 16:16, More)

What we ALL say, day after the office party... yeah?

(Tue 17th Dec 2002, 20:53, More)

I call this one 'Moonlit Bay-ing" :)

(Sun 15th Dec 2002, 21:18, More)

Usually the farmer's wife was careful about leaving things lying around... but the phone rang...

(Sun 15th Dec 2002, 21:01, More)

...you got to work... you leave a window open... and

(Sat 14th Dec 2002, 22:17, More)

Calm down calm down

(Fri 13th Dec 2002, 23:56, More)

Thanks to B3TA word soon spread and theirs was the ONLY place to be seen Friday Nights

(Wed 11th Dec 2002, 23:02, More)

Once in Showbiz....

(Tue 10th Dec 2002, 22:28, More)

Some of the 'brighter' rookies came up with their own methods for deploying into Iraq

(Sun 8th Dec 2002, 0:37, More)

"Lab 'assistant' my arse" said Timmy..... "I'm outta here!"

(Sat 7th Dec 2002, 16:52, More)

Hey... Mona, honey... lose the gu.....oh fucksocks!

(Sat 7th Dec 2002, 0:34, More)

Dolphinus Classicus

(Mon 2nd Dec 2002, 21:16, More)


(Sun 17th Nov 2002, 11:03, More)

They always felt uneasy when old Tom played with the kids

(Sun 10th Nov 2002, 23:57, More)

bee... movie

(Sat 2nd Nov 2002, 20:37, More)

Art for Art's sake

(Sun 27th Oct 2002, 21:27, More)

A classic case of itchy balls

(Sun 27th Oct 2002, 0:08, More)

".......I'll come back for the other two later"

(Sat 19th Oct 2002, 23:48, More)

There was much posturing when the two Masters eventually faced each other...

(Thu 17th Oct 2002, 21:45, More)

The Earth is safe as long as Superman is arou.... oh shit... I forgot!

(Sun 13th Oct 2002, 23:57, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Fancy Dress

theme was tv programmes
Going back a bit...... all guests had to go as a tv programme. My missus and I were asked late and had little time to prepare. As I had a broken arm at the time I stuck one of those fake turds you get from the joke shop on to my 'stookie' (is that just a Scottish expression for plaster cast?)....and went as.... 'The-Crapped-on-Fracture' (Krypton Factor.. popular show at the time).
(Thu 12th Jan 2006, 22:10, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

Looking at my birth certificate always makes me feel old
cos I am.
(Sat 30th Oct 2004, 10:18, More)

» Useless Information

Errol Flynn's father was the first man to bring a Duck Billed Platypus to the UK.
and Platypusses/Platypi(?) have similar reproductive organs to humans.
(Thu 17th Mar 2005, 23:57, More)

» Obscure Memorabilia

I've got a piece of the Berlin Wall (and who doesn't?)
and also plectrums (picks) from various artistes (Rob Thomas -Matchbox 20, Shania Twain (?), Dixie Chicks) etc etc.. Oh and A Christmas card from Jimmy Krankie!!
(Fri 5th Nov 2004, 21:07, More)