b3ta.com user Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged.
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» Mobile phone disasters

"Comedy" Bluetooth addys don't go down too well.
When a client is sending you stuff.
Mine was Cunt Cheesenose.
(Thu 30th Jul 2009, 13:07, More)

» Dumb things you've done

I've posted my wallet into a letterbox,
thinking it was an envelope.
Lot of red tape to retrieve it, I felt a bit of a knob so said to the postie "i suppose this happens a lot" jokingly.

He looked at me for a few seconds then said "no, not really."

Exit bearpookie, feeling the total dickhead.
(Wed 26th Dec 2007, 13:55, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

Once, I wanked in my parent's bed.
They told me to go away, and stop bothering them.
(Thu 26th Aug 2010, 13:13, More)

» Nightclubs

The rave thing was mega.
Up till then, nightclubs were places you went wearing smart clothes. Yes, even a suit. You drank 15 pints, then at 1.50am you staggered over to a boiler, asked her for a dance. Then sort of did a Peter Crouch thing on the dance floor, wiggling your hips. You hoped for a drunken fuck, but ended up with a kebab. Long wait in the taxi rank. Quite often you'd be wearing half the Doner the next morning.
Apart from Northern Soul dances MEN DID NOT DANCE. Rave changed that.
For £25, (yes kids, pills really cost that much), anyone could be a star for the night. EVERYONE danced, and not round handbags. DJs were gods. The night started on Friday evening, and finished on Sunday night. Occasionally Monday morning. Violence went down. Friendliness went up. Nightclubs changed for ever.
The rave thing was mega.

EDIT. Raindance. Dust masks and Menthol. Dancing in service stations, cos clubs still shut at 2. Leeds Warehouse. ("Leeds- 2e's, l s d.") Castlemorton, where hippies met ravers, and got on a storm; the bastards had banned festies, and split heads at Stonehenge, but they weren't getting in here! The Spiral Tribe FFS! Love Doves. Dennis the Menaces. Roobarb and Custards. They say if you remember the 1960s you weren't really there, well I remember this period, every mad minute of it!
(Wed 8th Apr 2009, 13:10, More)

» Training courses, seminars and conferences

First Aid.
I did a one afternoon first aid course, as part of an Off Shore Survival certificate. The medic training us, ex military, brought in the Resussi-Ann doll, one of those shop dummy type things you can practice CPR on. He ardered one guy to waltz with it, and one guy to bend it over the desk, and doggy it. The two guys, bemused did as they were told.
He then explained that if he had to leave the room, he could guarantee that at least one of these activities would take place, so we may as well get it out of our systems.
The whole course was fun, we got to play with burning petrol, go in a cool lifeboat, evacuate a mocked up rig by jumping from a fair height and evacuate a mocked up helicopter. Also to go on the piss with a bunch of psycho ex-marines. Excellent week.
(Sun 18th Mar 2012, 11:47, More)
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