b3ta.com user Happyday
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» Stupid Dares

Face plant dad
This was probably one of the funniest things i've ever seen my dad do in my life. As a kid I always looked up to my dad as a sporty preson that didn't really make a hash of things.

A few years ago I went on about a 30 mile bike ride with him and we were getting towards the end of it (about 2 miles away) when we cut down this muddy track. It had been raining quite heavily for about a week before so the ground was muddy but only slightly. We arrived at a little section of what can only be described as a bog. It had about 3 inch wide raised planks of wood across it that stretched for about 30 feet.

Right, thought I, I dared him to cycle across it all the way to the other side. Once you were going there was nowhere to stop otherwise you were going in the mud (that didn't LOOK very deep) either side of the planks.

I put my bike on the plank and pushed the pedals round once and managed to bodge my way across, just. Next up is my dad who sets his bike up, pushes off but doesn't pedal hard enough, takes a wobble, then his front wheel falls off the plank and drops about 6 inches into the mud. The thing is it just kept sinking and my dad gets catapulted head first over the handlebars. He lets out a little squeal and then lands face first in the wet, foot deep mud. He's on all fores with his face and body absolutely covered.

I couldn't stop laughing so hard that I nearly wee'd! It still makes me laugh writing this now.

Apologise for length but i'm afraid God just gifted me with a big one.
(Thu 1st Nov 2007, 13:38, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

Recruitment Cuntsultants
I worked in IT recruitment for about 6 months before I found out I was shit at it. But long enough to know it's all about being a sly, cheating cunt and not much else.

If your ever looking for a job and you post your CV on a website then your gonna get calls from said cuntholes. They'll pretend they have the perfect job for you and lie about which agency there from and all their trying to do is find out where you've been interviewing and names of managers that you used to work with. They then try to get their own candidates into the job YOUR interviewing for and hassle your ex managers to find out if their looking for staff. Multiply this by 20,000 cunsultants and you get a melee of cunt juice in every corner of your face.

The job generally involves:
-Calling other agencies pretending to be candidates and trying to steal information.
-Trying to steal jobs from candidates
-Sucking blood from puppies
-Bashing grannies

You get the idea.

So don't trust a fucking word they say the lying bastards.
(Fri 28th Sep 2007, 12:26, More)

» Stupid Dares

Mind expanding substances
This isn't so much a tail of instant hurt or excrutiating pain but of mind bending inertia.

This experience almost tipped me over the edge of sanity into the realm of a pink porcupine in Afghanistan.

I had travelled to Greece to go to this big festival called "Samothraki" (which i'm sure some people have heard of) in 2003. The festival was based over 7 days where you camp in the forest right on the beach. It was 30degrees everyday and probably stands out as one of the coolest places i've been. They had a clearing in the trees with 140,000 watt sound system! fuck me was it loud!

Anyway, we had been there for a few days and I had indulged in something that we'll call LSD (for that is it's name). I had taken a tab that was moderately strong and had been bumbling for about 2 hours when my good mate at the time told me that he had found someone with some strong liquid. "ooh" me thinks and we bumble off to find it. My mate dares me to take one drop, then another drop about 5 mins apart. "fuck it" I thought, it can't be that bad.

Now, bear in mind that a tab usually contains about 90Mg (Microgrammes) of the loopy juice. A dropper will usually give you around anywhere from 100 - 200Mg. So I had anywhere from 200 - 400 + the other tab I had taken.

Cue 1 hour of me juggling and other stuff to keep myself amused thinking "yeah, this ain't so bad". Then *BANG* about 2 1/2 hours in I was standing on the beach when it hits me. I was talking to some people and I felt overwhelmed and fell on my back looking up at the sky. The sky decintegrated into what can only be described as a kaleidascope of colours and patterns. My head felt like I was on the verge of exploding and I was boarding straight jacket and padded cell time. I managed to just about cling to the fragments of reality that were available and recovered to a point where I was swimming in a sea of spoons and mulch (figortively speaking).

I spent the next 12 hours running around like a headless chicken (literally) "clucking" at people. Oh the hilarity, and insanity.

But anyway, I think I still hold the mental scarring so if anyone dares you to do the same, tell them to fuck right off.

Apologise for length but I swear it was long, pink and curly!
(Wed 7th Nov 2007, 10:13, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

Another question?
I know this isn't Question of the week or anything...

...oh wait... ...yes it is.

Why are you allowed to have "Black music week" or "Black awards" but "White music week" or "White awards" would be considered racist?

Surely it has to work both ways to be termed inequality. correct me if i'm wrong?

fuck the length.
(Mon 26th Nov 2007, 11:08, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

A funny thing
I think it's funny when you meet British people that are on the dole and don't contribute to society in any way shape on form and they join the BNP under the assumption that all these foreigners are coming over here "taking all our jobs". But hang on, you don't fucking work! And isn't unemployment at one of the lowest levels it's been for 20 years?? hmmm...

(Mon 26th Nov 2007, 10:58, More)
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