b3ta.com user trickbaby
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» Voyeurism

only slightly disturbing...
years ago, was at a house party. My brother was also at said party. Got royally pissed, and then shafted by some random eejit. Anyways, I was so ratted that i didnt realise some pervy types had filmed said shafting. Crashed out, then came downstairs to find video playing on the telly. Cue look of horror from me, and then look of horror from my bro, who said "oh. my. god. is. that. YOU?'. (my face was obscured for most of the vid)

We never spoke of it again.
(Thu 11th Oct 2007, 21:42, More)

» Accidental innuendo

My mother
is not really cut out for the modern world. I once had to expain to her what "bisexual" meant, she was horrified and rather confused as to how people could "like both".

Anyway, my ma is a teacher, and she once attended a meeting at another school. It was lunchtime and all the teachers were already assembled in the staff room. In comes my mother, who says to a tall muscular black man sitting next to her "Oh my goodness, what a big lunchbox!" An awkward silence follows, the other teachers stare in disbelief and lunchbox man looks downright offended.

Over dinner that evening, she casually asks me if "lunchbox" means something else other than a sandwich container, and tells me the above tale. Needless to say, she is still mortified to this day.
(Tue 17th Jun 2008, 13:08, More)

» Pathological Liars

my ex
he talked so much boswelox! He once claimed that he went to London and he saw Melanie off Eastenders in Stringfellows, and he pinched her bum. Why would she even be in Stringfellows? Why? She wouldnt! Stupid!
(Mon 3rd Dec 2007, 22:01, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

the adult 'dating' industry
We laugh at the pictures on your profile that you think are sexy. They are not, you look like a tw@t.
Also if you are a married man looking for 'discreet' fun and you want to stop paying for premium site access/delete your contact ad, we will probably take a long time to do it/generally give you the runaround. Double this time if you are a married man looking for 'cock' fun.
(Wed 3rd Oct 2007, 12:11, More)

» Customers from Hell

confused customer
We dont let our customers phone us directly, they have to leave a voicemail message, and if we can be arsed we ring them back. I once had a message from an rather irate man, saying "I ordered a firewall last week and you have not delivered it yet! Where the frig is my firewall?". I should add that I am an admin monkey for a porn site.
(Fri 5th Sep 2008, 23:24, More)
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