» Pointless Experiments

my brother
once decided to see what a fart looked like, well, what the EXIT of a fart looked like.

Being, as was normal at that time, a bit drunk, and alone in the house, he decided to "bend over and watch in the mirror through his legs".

He never did find out, as a big poo decided to exit instead, leaving a large poo-stain on MY fucking carpet.

I only found out cause I came back while he was trying to clean said stain. Weirdo
(Thu 24th Jul 2008, 14:04, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

I honestly can't remember anyone
having done something that would qualify as the nicest thingg ever - maybe my dad when he bought me a new better phone after I had mine stolen by some chavs ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY.

I can easily remember the nicest thing I have ever done. It was this summer, and I was looking for a birthday present for my better half. Walking through the city centre, I came across a man with 2 little kittehs (and I mean little, like 3 weeks old). He was going to give them to a home as he couldn't care for them, but he wanted to see if other people would take them first. She was very happy when I rang the doorbell (to my own flat), and pulled a kitteh from behind my back (like some kind of magic trick).
(Fri 3rd Oct 2008, 13:33, More)

» Voyeurism

Dogging?
Since I moved in with the missus, I have witnessed a fair few things normally kept private.

I live on the lowest floor in our flat, and standing on the balcony gives a good view along the street.

In a year, I have seen:
the woman across the street naked,
a girl who lives across the street blowing her boyfriend in his car (right under her window).

The best would have to be this one though. One weekend, 3am or so, I hear loud music from outside. I go onto the balcony to check it out, and notice a car with its windows open, and a couple shagging, oblivious to everything. She was on top, and really oblivious, because she then took off her top, giving everyone a lovely few of her great tits.

Couple of minutes later, the guy came, and the girl wanted too as well - so she lifted her skirt, sat close to her man's face, and fingered herself to an orgasm. Then promptly pulled down her skirt, grabbed her top (didnt put it on though), got out the car and walked into her building.

Length - about 10 minutes by my count
(Mon 15th Oct 2007, 10:10, More)

» Letters they'll never read

Dear Dyke-Upstairs
SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!

All day, every day I have to listen to you shouting, moaning on the phone, arguing with the poor woman you call your partner. It's hard enough trying to work at home without hearing you "shitting in the milk" all the time.

Your voice is annoying - I can hear it over my TV, my music, everything - even when I have my headphones in.

Why won't you just fuck off and die, you miserable old boot.
(Fri 5th Mar 2010, 17:55, More)

» Accidental innuendo

has anyone else noticed
that the Holland - France game on just now is being played in the Wankdorf stadium?
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 20:22, More)