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» I witnessed a crime

Rough local
There I was, just minding my own business playing a set with my band in the local, when these two came in. I should have realised there was going to be trouble when another two of their mates (one big camp bugger and a shortarse with some sort of speech impediment) were stopped at the door. Their mates told to go and wait back in the car. Obviously it wasn't going to be long before it kicked off.

Now, the other two - I assume that must have been a grandfather and grandson or something, as one was about 70, while the other was in his teens. They didn't look like they were the trouble making kind, but it wasn't long before the young one got into an argument at the bar with a couple of the local hardcases.

One of the hardcases starts spouting off about how he's wanted by the fuzz, starts threatening the kid, and ends up giving him a thump and knocking him half-way across the room. I don't know what the kid said to him, but it must have pissed him off, as he ends up pulling a gun.

Now, it takes a bit to get put me off my rhythm, but what happened next had the band ducking for cover.

The old man - quick as a flash - whips out a sword. A sword!!! In this day and age! Anyway, before anyone does anything else, the hardcase's right arm's on the ground, quickly followed by the rest of him. Everybody suddenly becomes very interested in their drinks, and the manager's motioning to me to start playing again while he sorts things out.

Now it turns out that while all this was kicking off, the old man was talking to to barman. He's been looking for a dodgy character for some dirty job or other. The barman points him at this smartarse in the corner and his long-haired hippy mate, and he drags the kid over to talk to them.

So, we (the band) are setting back down into the set, but I'm keeping an eye on what's going on.

The old geezer and the kid finish their business, shake hands and piss off. I breathe a sigh of relief and start to relax. The place may be a wretched hive of scum and villany, but the regulars aren't normally too bad.

It looks like the smartarse and the hippy have got a good deal, as they look happy, and they're making to head off too when one of the local wannabe gangsters corners them and sits smartarse back down again.

I can't claim to have seen what happened next. Anyway, guns were pulled again - under the table this time - and the gangster was shot. Certainly there's been a lot of debate about it locally - who shot first? The end result though, was that the smartarse paid off the manager to hush things up, and scarpered quickly.

Anyway. Back to the QOTW. The crime I witnessed, well heard, was our drummer's playing. He was absolutely shocking that night and we fired him shortly after.

Mind you, the exact details are a little hazy as this was all a long time ago, somewhere far, far away...
(Fri 15th Feb 2008, 12:33, More)

» This book changed my life

A Blank Notebook
Isn't this the most potentially life changing book for anyone?

*Deep Breath*

Write down your ideas. Develop your business plan. Handwrite your "great american novel" whilst in Cardiff. Copy down recipes. Keep a diary. Compose that love poem which you can't quite get right in your head, and will certainly never come out of your mouth. Make paper planes. Take someone's number. Give someone YOUR number. Stop a bullet (allegedly). Sketch a landscape. Press flowers. Keep photos. Tape in the pubic hair of the man/woman you're stalking. Make snow-blindness goggles. Play music on a comb and paper. Take brass or bark rubbings. Make a "Kick Me" sign and stick it to a football. Draw award winning political cartoons. Recycle it. Write a strongly worded letter of protest.
Filter nitroglycerine (slowly). Roach material. Emergency loo paper (Ugh, scratchy). Perform magic tricks. Last minute confetti. Burn it to keep warm. Make papier mache models of dinosaurs.

*breathes in*


Forgot one.

Use the torn off corner of a page as the basis of a 30 minute stand-up comedy routine to cheer someone up.

In my case this more or less directly led to the start of my relationship with my girlfriend, now the lovely Mrs Fireflier, around 18 years ago...
(Wed 21st May 2008, 14:04, More)

» Thrown away: The stuff you loved and lost.

There were these two CDs...
I'd burnt a few tunes to them, and stuck them in the internal mail to a mate in another office. Had to cover my tracks of course, so I told my boss they were the benefits details for 25 million people.

Next thing you know, he's hassling me to make sure they've arrived, then the police and an army of consultants arrive to find out what went wrong.

After all that, my mate went and used the CDs as coasters!
(Thu 14th Aug 2008, 16:59, More)

» Kids

Clarification please?!
Or maybe opinion? I dunno, anyway...

So - up to what age are we talking about here:

- Babies - Loud, smelly. Cute when not being loud and smelly.
- Up to 5 or 6? Definitely children, do the fuh-hun-iest things, etc, etc...
- Up to 12 or so - Probably children, unless you're a theme park, in which case they're definitely adults. Probably know about sex, but still believe most things you tell them, so easy to confuse.
- Up to 16 or so - Kind of children. Teenage, moodly and above average chance of being an Emo-kid. Great to take the piss out of, as you'll get a good reaction. Almost certainly know about sex - and almost certainly doing it wrong if they do and are.
- Up to 18 - Legally still children? Fiesty, independant and skint. Definitely know about sex, and with some practice are getting better at it. Thinking about the opportunities ahead of them - good old adult cynicism hasn't hit yet.
- Up to 21 - Probably not children. But quite possibly still living with parents, dependent on them for food, money, washing, etc. Still treated like a child by government (are alcohol limits going up?)
- Over 21 - Likely to behave like children. More likely to have money to spend on bigger and better toys, able to indulge in sex, drugs and rock & roll to their hearts content, with the inevitable consequence of...

- Babies - and the cycle begins again...
(Thu 17th Apr 2008, 15:38, More)

» Fairgrounds, theme parks, circuses and carnivals

It's been posted before, though not in this QOTW, but I would have liked to have gone to Action Park

"At least six people are known to have died as a result of mishaps on rides at the park. It was nicknamed "Traction Park", "Accident Park", "Class Action Park", "Danger Park" and "Death Park" by doctors at nearby hospitals due to the number of severely injured parkgoers they treated. Little action was taken by state regulators despite a history of repeat violations."
(Tue 14th Jun 2011, 12:59, More)
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