» Unexpected Nudity

One afternoon at work a long long time ago
Back in the early nineties in a well known South Coast seaside resort on a particularly warm afternoon I was at work in a shop that fronted onto the main North / South road which was busy with cars and buses travelling to and fro. My colleague and I were discussing the finer intricacies of Champ Man (the Amiga version, if you're wondering) when we both happened to look up at the same time.

We looked in disbelief as a middle aged man walked past the double fronted windows of the shop wearing nothing but sandals and carrying a white Sainsburys plastic carrier bag. He walked from left to right across the front of the shop. The bag was in his left hand. Why I remember that detail I'm not entirely sure.

I'm also unsure as to why I remember the flapping of his cock flapping up and down with each jaunty, springing step that he took but I do. With disturbing clarity.

My un-erotic unexpected encounter with nudity lasted for about 4 seconds and 17 years later I'm still scarred by it.


Length? Fortunately it wasn't close enough for an accurate assessment.
(Fri 29th May 2009, 0:11, More)

» Food sabotage

Cat food burger?
It started when the customer left a plastic bag on the counter one Saturday night containing 6 cans of cat food. 7 days later it still hadn't been claimed and was therefore deemed unwanted .. .. .. .. at almost exactly the same time that Roger was about to take a break. He'd made himself a burger and left it on a hotplate while he nipped to the offy to get some smokes.

There's 3 of us looking from his food, to the cat food and back again.

Cue scramble to substitute beef for catfood

Roger returns, takes his food, and heads off for his break.

When he re-starts work he complains that he has stomach ache, that his burger tasted strange.

Half an hour later we worriedly confess that he'd eaten catfood.








2 hours after that he confesses that he didn't.
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 1:40, More)

» Customers from Hell

Nugget Bloke
Among the chavs and twats that inhabit the town where I work there is one truly special customer. Nugget Bloke.

His crimes against reason include (on separate occasions)

* Shitting in the middle of the floor in front of the toilet.

* Smearing his own shit around the walls, floor and ceiling of the customer toilet.

* Damaging the toilet so that water was literally fountaining out of the supply pipe and nonchalantly leaving the shop.

The first time I encountered Nugget Bloke was during my first week at my new job in a fast food outlet. Not one of the multinationals. I'm working with the new manageress when this man comes in alone and proceeds to ask in a very quiet voice how much this combination, that combination, oh no, maybe the first combination again costs. Eventually he decides, pays for his food and sits down while we cook it for him and take it to him.

A few minutes later he's back at the till saying that his friend has changed his mind about the drink ordered and could we change it. The manageress looks at me with wide eyes but we change the drink and he goes back to the table and pushes it to the empty seat opposite him.

It's a small town and his family is fairly large. Can't tell him what I think of him for fear of upsetting them. So every time he comes in I just have to smile take his money and pray that he doesn't go near the toilet.
(Sat 6th Sep 2008, 1:31, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Said the actress to the bishop.. .. ..
I employ a bloke called Dave (not his real name but, surprisingly, the name by which everyone knows him) who is a constant source of innuendo. Only 10 mins ago he came out with this gem while discussing sharing his coursework assignments with one of his friends.

"I give him one and then he lets me see one he's just done."
(Sat 14th Jun 2008, 12:52, More)

» Hotel Splendido

Jersey Nightmare
After searching around for a hotel to take two small children to, we thought we'd found an ideal place.. .. family room, brochure photo looked idyllic (how do they do that?) price was right.

We got there and were foolishly surprised to find a 3 lane main road running past the hotel. But it's ok we thought because all of the windows are double glazed.. ..

Got to the room using the only working lift in the hotel that stopped working if more than 3 people were in it.

The room itself was a fabulous design.. .. just right for a family. The TV was on a wall bracket above the cot, the bunk beds were so close to the toilet / shower that you almost had to climb through the bottom bunk to use them, and for the parents? Two single beds.
And it was hot. Very hot. So hot that it was impossible to sleep at night without opening the windows and having the traffic keep you awake.


Apologies for lack of humour / entertainment.. .. it's me first post!
(Fri 18th Jan 2008, 14:26, More)