b3ta.com user oneinthepink
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» Trolls

E-mail scams.
I received one of those e-mails from a Russian girl who was supposed to meet/marry someone over here but didn't and now she wants to meet/marry me. You know the type.
To cut a long story short, after much to-ing and fro-ing with her ridiculous requests for money and my ridiculous replies, I asked for proof that she was who she said she was by taking a photo with her holding a card with the initial letters of my (fictional) banking companies - International Money Authority and The Western Accounts Transactions.

Here's what I received.

(Wed 25th May 2011, 9:56, More)

» Anonymous

Murder scene & small town mentality.
I arrived at work one morning to be greeted by the news that a terrible murder had occured in the town.
The details of each story I heard were of varying degrees of severity, the whole town was buzzing with the news. Phone calls and texts were exchanged, gossip was rife, this was exciting stuff.

But I knew the truth.

The previous night (after kicking out time) it was blowing a hooly and a pub in the town was losing slates off the roof at an incredible rate.
The police turned up and cordoned off the pavement with their tape in case anyone copped a slate on the bonce.
Now, people going to work in the morning had to go past the scene. They see the tape, "Ooh, what's going on here?". They recognise the pub as not being one of the nicest places to frequent.

And then?

They see the chalk outlines of a man and a dog and a knife lying within the bounds of the police tape.
They conclude in their tiny minds that a man and his dog were stabbed to death.

A classic whodunnit.

Amazing the amount of fun one can have with a piece of chalk.
(Fri 15th Jan 2010, 10:33, More)

» Vomit Pt2

I'll keep this short - blah drinking, blah mate pukes up.

And I saw a whole pasta shell emerge from his nose and unravel as it popped out like a butterfly stretching its wings for the first time.

'Twas a thing of beauty.
(Fri 8th Jan 2010, 12:24, More)

» Addicted

I'm addicted to brake fluid,
but do feel that I could stop at any time.
(Fri 19th Dec 2008, 9:42, More)

» DIY Surgery

I once managed to get a peanut stuck in my ear.
So I poured some melted chocolate in there.

Came out a treat.
(Tue 25th Jan 2011, 9:05, More)
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