» Pathological Liars

Chris the Homophobe...
Back in my GCSE years (not that long ago), there was this one kid, we shall call him Chris (for that was his name)who was five feet tall and weighed in at a huge 12 stone.
Now me and my then friends were- best put- idiots at times, mostly making crude jokes and, pretending to be gay. (Yeah, freaky, I know.) When the time came, we started calling each other 'gay' at random times. But call Chris gay, and he would go apecrap on you. Why? We asked him, intrigued at his strange behaviour. 'I hate the gays' he said. Naturally, we did the right thing and punched him. He told us all sorts of things about gays, including:
'They started aids by shagging monkeys'
'Gays can't love because only humans have emotions'
'Gays should not be allowed in pubs incase they started flirting'
'Gays should not be allowed in public places'
(remember, the kid's 15 ffs.) And the finale:
'Gays should die. We should shoot them. They are killing the earth with AIDS'

Later, When asked WHY he hated gays, he stated:
'If you want to know, my cousin Greg was in the SS and was sent out to Iraq with a gay man named Ricardo Bandito- he was a Spic (latino) from Mexico who raped Greg (because apparently, that's all gays do) And when Greg threatened to turn him in, Ricardo pushed him into the range of a sniper. They took Ricardo to Texas (why???) And executed him.'

No, we didn't believe him. No-one did. Shortly after being mocked for being a jackass, he annouced:
'Har-har-har I had you convinced then, didn't I!!!'

No. No you did not Chris.
He's told worse lies though, so stay tuned.

Insert length, girth and penile implant joke here.
(Fri 30th Nov 2007, 20:34, More)

» DIY disasters

Footy
I was trying to watch a footy match but the signal was crap, so i clambered onto the roof to sort out the aerial, but I fell and died.

*grabs coat and runs.
(Fri 4th Apr 2008, 8:49, More)