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» Evil Pranks

Thanks Greencloud, reminded me of another =p
When I was in primary school, aged about 11, we had this crappy school fair thing. So I asked my mom to do a bit of baking for it.

She couldn't understand why I'd asked her as she knew I hated the place.

Anyways, she starts baking these chocolate covered corn-flake buns. But, she had forgot to buy baking chocolate. She asked me to pop to the shop for some. So I went out and bought some laxative chocolate bars.

The expression on her face when I told her to use them was priceless.

There was nearly no one at school for the next few days and no one suspected a thing.
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 15:53, More)

» Evil Pranks

Ah, The Revolution reminded me of this one.
I have always loved Ferrero Rochers. My mom used to get me a big box ever year at Chistmas, and I mean a fucking huge box.

Anyways, one Christmas, I got my usual. To my surprise, my little brothers (Twins, the bastards) also got a big box of em.

Being the greedy twunt I am, I ate all mine before the day was over. So, I asked one of the tweebs if I could have one. The dumb fuck said no. Then again, you can't blame them. My reputation as a prankster didn't get much outside my school.

So I figured I'd be a twat and my mom had these little bath ball things that looked like Ferrero Rochers.

I grabbed the entire box of them and ate the equivalent of my brothers choccies (About 20) Then, wrapped the bath balls in the Ferrero Rocher wrappers and left them.

The thing is, they look and smell like chocolate and what's retarded is that he ate about 10 of them before he noticed something was wrong.

He was sick and had diarrhea. I was smug as fuck.

Length? He projectile vomited about a metre.
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 15:44, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Two for one here
A few years back, we found a kitten in the back garden. It had no collar, so mom said the twins could have it since I already had a dog. You see where this is going? Wrong!

My brothers, being about 6 at the tine, decided to give it a bath. They couldn't reach the bathroom sink, so they used the next best thing. The toilet. Needless to say, the poor mite drowned in a flurry of flushes.

I just wish I had been there. I nearly pissed myself laughing when I got home. Then again, I never was much of a cat person.

Okay, second one. Also pet-wash related.

When my girlfriend was nine, she had a fat hamster called Lottie. She was determined to be a responsible young girl and look after it properly.

So, she went to the bathroom (she could reach the sink), put the hamster in the sink and filled said sink with warm water and soap. As the sink was filling, poor Lottie was trying to get out, being a hamster with tiny hamster claws she kept slipping back into the rising soapy water.

Eventually, she gave up and her eyes bulged and she shat herself to death. The hamster, not my girlfriend.
(Mon 10th Dec 2007, 22:17, More)

» My Biggest Disappointment

Sorry, no funny.
A few years ago, my mother decided to take us to live with my aunt for a month. Now there are a few problems with this which I will tell you.

1. I fucking hate the old bat!
2. She lives in Cyprus. The problem with this is that it's a hot country. I hate heat.
3. The most important of all: I would miss Toby.

Toby was my dog, I'm not exactly sure what he was, but he looked like a short-haired jack russell with doberman fur colour/pattern. I'd had him for as long as I can remember and we were best mates. Well, as best friends as you can be with a dog.

My mother left Toby in the hands of her then boyfriend. So anyways, we go to Cyprus for a month long "Holiday" (The month, fucking December, I had to spend Christmas and New Years with Hitler's Aunt) And, to be fair, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had my PS2 and San Andreas and I regularly disappeared either to the beach or to the mountains.

When it was over, we got home and I was eager to see the old dog. I got to the door, opened it and immediately knew there was something wrong. Toby always ran down the stairs, out of my bedroom, to greet me. Fucking Heath (Mother's ex-boyfriend) told me that he'd died the day after we left.

That was the most disappointing holiday, Christmas, and New Year of my life.

Apologies for lack of humour.
(Sat 28th Jun 2008, 3:42, More)

» Evil Pranks

Reminded by Clowns Pocket
As I have already mentioned, I held the title of Master Prankster in high school. Not undeserved I may add. Even if some of them were pretty lame. I digress.

In year 10 or 11 I think it was, we had design technology and the teacher was an absolute twunt and had many rumors started about him (My favorite was that he was caught jerking off behind the boys changing rooms.)

Anyways, there was a lad that annoyed the hell out of me. So me, Craig and Matty decided to lock him in the cupboard before the teacher got it. We did, and we sealed (well, tried to) the door with the industrial strength glue. Didn't work so we just lodged a stool between the handles.

Anwyays, after about 10 minutes and just before Mr. Bastow came in, he gave up on trying to get out. The lesson went on for well over half an hour until the teacher noticed there was a stool wedged in the door handle of a cupboard.

The look we got when Ryan got out was priceless.
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 17:12, More)
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