b3ta.com user admiral crunch
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Male, beige, mid thirties, affirmed whoopsie. Prone to ranting.




In accidental homage to augsav 


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Mums

My mum said "minge" recently.
She's 53.

And I still don't know if that's utterly cool or utterly cringeworthy.
(Fri 12th Feb 2010, 12:45, More)

» Sexual fetishes

Rubbery to meet you
"Could I ask you for a favour?", asks the unassuming stranger to my good lady friend, whom we shall call R. The two of us are attending an alternative-lifestyle market in order to point and laugh at the double-ended rubber dongs, nipple clamps, and electric shock devices with attachments for various intimate regions.

I must at this point note that aforementioned R has seen, heard of, and in some cases even tried, pretty much every fetish going. She's rather proud that no matter what it is you're into, she's probably done something filthier.

"I don't know, what is it you need?" enquireth she, half expecting some unwanted advances on her person.

"Could you blow a balloon up, as much as you possibly can, while I watch and wank?"

R stares.

"And if you can make it burst, that'd be even better".

R blinks.

"erm..... er..... er.... excuse me... I...", she mutters and walks off, speechless, crashing into a rack of riding crops, scattering them across the floor.

Balloon guy, if you're out there, you are a legend.
(Tue 27th Oct 2009, 14:04, More)

» Conspicuous Consumption

My CEO regularly takes the company private jet from NY to LA
To get his hair cut.
(Wed 3rd Aug 2011, 14:14, More)

» Racist grandparents

My girlfriend's* Irish nan
I have an obviously islamic name (I rejected all that religion bollocks a long time ago) and I also happen to have more than a hint of the old mediterranean swarthiness about me. Beige skin, black hair, a bit beardy.

Upon being introduced to me, she enquired, "So are you a Protestant or a Catholic?".

Being in the house of an Irish grandmother, I merely diverted the conversation towards the subject of a lovely cup of tea, and all was swiftly forgotten.

*I was going through a straight phase, alright?
(Wed 2nd Nov 2011, 14:23, More)

» First World Problems

What do I win?
Edit: bugger all.
(Thu 8th Mar 2012, 18:29, More)
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