b3ta.com user uberdeity
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» Impulse buys

"What about 'er?" one sailor asked to another "think her boat could shift that sunken wreck?"
"Oh er? She shifts decommissioned oil rigs all over the place so her boat's probably designed for it."

"what about 'im in that smaller tug over there?"

"Couldn't manage it"

"why not?"

"Boat's not designed for it"

"what's he do then?"

"'im pulls buoys."
(Mon 25th May 2009, 13:17, More)

» Absolute Power

I enjoy having power over others
I was once a dom for a female submissive.
She said "Hurt me!"
I said "No!"

Everyone was happy.
(Thu 8th Jul 2010, 14:14, More)

» "You're doing it wrong"

Imagine a teacher tells you he always wears a condom while teaching.
Technically better than the alternative, but someone's doing their job wrong...


(Tue 20th Jul 2010, 11:35, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

I laughed, how I laughed
while playing "Scene It", one of the questions showed Christopher Reeve stood at a woman's door and asking her to "walk with me".

I just couldn't help myself and creased up, tears streaming from my eyes. No-one else saw the joke, unfortunately.

Also, I got partway through writing "Στην καραμέλα αγαπών μου. Όλοι οι χαρακτήρες που απεικονίζονται μέσα σε αυτό το βιβλίο είναι fictitous και οποιαδήποτε ομοιότητα στα πρόσωπα που ζουν ή είναι απολύτως καθαρώς συμπτωματικοί." in the front of a hotel's bible before I got bored and went to the bar.
(Fri 12th Dec 2008, 11:58, More)

» My most gullible moment

Couldn't believe it
My friend TK and I were on patrol in some sand-covered craphole. Just had to sort out a civil disturbance with some couple who ended up killing themselves with a grenade, so not the nicest of days. Plus it was too hot.
We were stood there by the side of the road looking around for any insurgenty terrorist types when up drives some old gimmer and some kid I can only assume to be his grandkid, along with a couple of friends- a short white on and one camper than a weekend with the Scouts.

So we stop them, ask them a couple of questions and are told they're not the ones we're looking for! Clearly this old guy was trustworthy (being old and wizened looking) so we just let them pass. 2 days later and kablammo! Up goes the new base. Turns out the guys we let past were pretty key players in it all.

Ah, well. You live and learn. We're building up a new base now- and this one should be fully armed and operational before the building's even finished!

A. Stormtrooper, formerly of Mos Eisley
(Fri 22nd Aug 2008, 13:26, More)
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