b3ta.com user MichaelS
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I'm old enough to be a parent to most of you! (But still more immature than most of you)

Many thanks to Big Girls Blouse for the badge, but as much as I hate to admit it, I actually need the "Over 50 and more exhausted than you" badge.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» B3ta Person of the Year 2010

Big Girls Blouse!
Who else, she's nice to 'mericans, sweet, and seems to have hair now.
(Thu 16th Dec 2010, 12:10, More)

» Famous people I hate

George Bush 1 and 2, Ronald Regan, Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, anyone on Fox "News",
etc. The US has gone to hell with idiots beliving the bullshit spouted by the right wing media and fascist republican bastards. Everything they say is designed to incite the idiots and make them forget what is really happening to them with the few rich continuing to get super rich while the rest of us get it up the ass. We would be a joke to the rest of the world if we were not fucking them up too.

(I think the happy pills wore off).
(Tue 9th Feb 2010, 12:47, More)

» God

If there is a hell, I am going!
Twenty some years ago I was a graduate student living in an old farm house in the country in Appalachia (think hillbillies, moonshine, Appalachian Mountains, and religious folk dancing with rattlesnakes to show that faith in God keeps them safe). During this time I had a very large dog. He was half Rhodesian-Ridgeback and half Collie-Lab. He was huge and also had longer hair than a pure Ridgeback and his ridge looked like a big Mohawk haircut. Even though he looked ferocious, he was very nice with his mother’s personality and never barked at people.

When I say he didn’t bark at people, that isn’t strictly true. He had an unerring ability to know when the religious freaks were coming and would start barking even before the car or van full of crazy people trying to convert me would be visible. When they would stop, he would stand by the car and bark like crazy until they left. Then he would get a treat.

For a while there was also a very pretty married woman living with me (long story which in itself would probably send me to hell if it existed). It was very hot there in the summer and she liked to wear just a small bikini, the likes of which were not seen in this part of the country.

One hot day, we were outside working in my garden and the dog started barking like crazy. Oh shit I said to my friend, the crazies are coming. When a van full of these people pulled into my driveway, instead of just ignoring them, she wanted to listen to them never experiencing such a think in her native Austria. I went over to the van and grabbed the dog telling the people not to get out because I couldn’t trust him. They started talking to me about religion and I told them I was a geologist and believed in evolution which got them going. My friend then came up in her TINY bikini (and somewhat high heels) and draped herself on my arm. The eyes of everyone in the van immediately grew as big as grapefruits with the men probably becoming hornier than ever before in their lives and the women wanting to kill regardless of what Jesus said.

I was getting sick of them and asked them to leave. They then asked “Doesn’t your WIFE want to hear the truth of Jesus”. I said: I don’t know SHE isn’t MY wife. They gasped, glared at me, and immediately left. For the next year and a half I lived there while finishing my degrees, not one religious nut ever bothered me again. She got a good treat soon after they left!

I did find a black X on my door one day though (just kidding about the X but the rest of the story is completely true).
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 17:33, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

Way back before most of you were born (1977)
I was studying for my undergraduate degree in geology and got a cool summer job in minerals exploration. The company used to hire a bunch of university students because we were cheap and would generally do whatever we were told.

One of the summer grunts was not the sharpest tool in the box, not he brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, and for him anyway, the light was on but no one was home.

I had him believing that the fake "leather" naugahyde vinyl came from the Australian Nauga which was the marsupial equivalent to a dairy cow. He fully believed this so for the rest of the summer we made up other marsupials. He went back to school in the fall to study biology with his new found knowledge.

The internet and Wikipedia has really made it much harder to fool even the least sophisticated.
(Fri 4th Mar 2011, 19:47, More)

» Bullshit and Bullshitters

I have this honda accord see, and I used it once to get revenge ...
and my supermodel girlfriends in a threesome with me,

(I know, it's not funny anymore but someone had to do it. It might as well be me. I'm surprised no one mentioned the honds story up till now.
(Thu 13th Jan 2011, 17:58, More)
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