» Dumb things you've done

Rats
Around the age of 13 I had a pet black rat called Buster. For a rodent he was quite intelligent and fearless – seeing off the cat and generally being quite amusing. The first thing I would do after getting back from school would be to open up the cage and put him on my shoulder where he would stay until bed time, occasionally fossicking around in my jumper or having a brief scrabble through my hair (not that I had any fleas mind). He and I were inseparable.

One weekend required a quick visit to the loo upstairs for a tinkle. The splashing noise must have caused Buster to want to investigate so he poked his little rat face out from the bottom of my top and upon spying the ‘snake’ (more of a worm at the time really) he sank his fangs in.

Having a black rat dangling from your todger until you manage to prise its jaws open is one thing. Having your parents hear your screams and make you wash your bloody member with dettol in the bath is another. It kept them and their friends amused at dinner parties for years, came up at my 21st, and is still used by my brother in public if I take the piss too much.

I was never really angry with the little chap as he probably thought he was protecting his master from the noisy serpent. He eventually copped it after getting into a fight with a dachshund.
(Fri 21st Dec 2007, 16:03, More)