b3ta.com user tonyharrison
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» Public Sex

courting by the fuzz
Well back when the missus and i had just returned from our wondering around the globe we came home to live with my ma n pa for a bit while we got the cash together for a place of our own
My bedroom was next to my .rents room and the old man is a very light sleeper, so the temptation to enjoy each other betwixt pub and bed, plus youthful alcohol tolerance would get the better of us and we'd often fuck luck rabbits somewhere under the stars.

This particular night it happened to be upon the green fields of Stoke Park in Guildford that my love took her urge to have me, a mere 30 yards from the roadside on a reasonably clear night, yes any fucker walking past could have seen a couple struggling with each other (drunkenly tiring to remove the other clothes)

so not far from the vinegar strokes a light catches my eye in the distance.
"Is that a car?" i ask the lady beneath me
"huh..what" says the maiden coming back to reality from her aroused state/stupper

Fuckshitbollocks its a car and it's coming this way quick lets go! i blurt, but it was to late to save the modesty of my sweetheart and as we clutched our bits in shame and attempted to dress a panda car with two coppers laughing their heads off cruised past at slug speed just feet away from us. No comment was made by the gentlemen it twas a silent comedy and maybe just one sock and a little dignity was lost that night as we hurried away.

The Wife does still like the great outdoors

length (she tells everyone its big)

and POP!
(Thu 23rd Apr 2009, 14:03, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

ok so it's not my story, and its a bit of an old video, but perfect for this weeks question.


(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 8:00, More)

» PE Lessons

piss pants and peados
i don't fancy being cathartic with this but i'll give you the short version. I would hve been about 12 or thirteen and during a basketball type PE Lesson we the class we're mucking about with the balls while our teacher was sat on a bench against a wall sorting out some paperwork with a few of my class mates. i'm sure we where meant to be practising passing or shooting but being about 5'4 at the time basketball wasn't my thing so i was just chucking the ball at one of the circles drawn on the wall of the gym for people to aim at.

the circle i lobbed at was about 2' above the teachers head. so looking up at his class to see that no one was trying to break the window at the top of the gym (standard practice in my class) he saw me hurl a basketball towards his head, my aim being poor the ball missed him by half a metre but he was pissed.

i while now protest my innocence i swear i was not throwing a heavy ball at this mans head from 5m but he decide i was and jumped up and slapped me round the face knocking me off my feet so that i landed arse first on the ground.

The shock of being hit so hard by a grown man made me piss myself

In front of all my classmates

this being the late eighties teacher whacking pupils was taken seriously my dad was called in to the school, i was treated with kid gloves and the PE teacher had to apologias to me.

But i was in the wrong and said so. i told everyone that it was my fault and it was forgotten by all, i didn't get the piss ((sic) taken out of me by anyone even though i was bullied for other shit at that school.

he wasn't the best teacher in the world but certainly not the worst he was probably just having a bad day because lets be honest if you hate PE lessons then imagine teaching them.

We had another really nice PE teacher, everyone really liked him, great bloke, a guy i knew in the year below couldn't afford the cost of the school skiing trip ( like most of us ) so this teacher said if this boy did some cleaning at his flat he'd give him the money for the trip. turns out he wanted his cock cleaned by this boys ass or some such tomfoolery. The boy's friend (my mate) helped him record the perv on a Dictaphone and got him sacked, and the year smashed his windows.
the end
(Tue 24th Nov 2009, 20:35, More)

» That's me on TV!

john craverns newround
i' not sure of the year 81 maybe my brother and i where at covent garden and we were entered into the pancake race. in this highly anticipated competition we bowed out in the final. and i was interviewed for my post match reaction
"we lost because the pan was too Ssticky so we couldn't toss it"
(you had to toss the pancake to complete the race)

we made the and finally though, get in.

length, i was five you pee dough
(Thu 11th Jun 2009, 15:34, More)