Profile for Rum Blumpkin:
none
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
- a member for 16 years, 4 months and 30 days
- has posted 0 messages on the main board
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 1 messages on the links board
- has posted 4 stories and 2 replies on question of the week
- They liked 15 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 7 qotw answers. [RSS feed]
- Ignore this user
- Add this user as a friend
- send me a message
none
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Mix Tapes
One time at band camp
there was this almighty asshole of a boy
we'll call him Chuck
Now Chuck for unknown reasons went NOWHERE without a jar of peanut butter to munch on, and a cassette recorder to record any ridiculous thought he had at the time
Now, Chuck had a way of getting on everyones nerves, and therefore a plan was devised
Another friend, we'll call him Logan, waited until Chuck went into the shower one morning, and snagged the peanut butter and cassette recorded. He proceeded to record himself loudly fertilizing the peanut butter jar, and when he was finished he stirred it all up and replaced the peanut butter in Chucks bag, keeping the recorder
a half hour later sitting at the breakfast tables we watch as chuck slathers peanut butter all over his toast and bitches to us about his missing tape recorder
right on cue, Logan pulls out the tape recorder and hands it back to him
A suspicious Chuck presses play and the entire table shits itself with laughter as
"OH YEAH RIGHT IN YOUR PEANUT BUTTER, YEAH THAT FEELS SOOO GOOD"
blasts out
cue projectile vomit across the table, all over a laughing Logan, which in turn causes us to laugh all the harder
(Mon 11th Feb 2008, 21:21, More)
One time at band camp
there was this almighty asshole of a boy
we'll call him Chuck
Now Chuck for unknown reasons went NOWHERE without a jar of peanut butter to munch on, and a cassette recorder to record any ridiculous thought he had at the time
Now, Chuck had a way of getting on everyones nerves, and therefore a plan was devised
Another friend, we'll call him Logan, waited until Chuck went into the shower one morning, and snagged the peanut butter and cassette recorded. He proceeded to record himself loudly fertilizing the peanut butter jar, and when he was finished he stirred it all up and replaced the peanut butter in Chucks bag, keeping the recorder
a half hour later sitting at the breakfast tables we watch as chuck slathers peanut butter all over his toast and bitches to us about his missing tape recorder
right on cue, Logan pulls out the tape recorder and hands it back to him
A suspicious Chuck presses play and the entire table shits itself with laughter as
"OH YEAH RIGHT IN YOUR PEANUT BUTTER, YEAH THAT FEELS SOOO GOOD"
blasts out
cue projectile vomit across the table, all over a laughing Logan, which in turn causes us to laugh all the harder
(Mon 11th Feb 2008, 21:21, More)
» Shit Stories: Part Number Two
The water of doom
Que first beautiful, warm day of the year
que fat spliff and a nice walk
The sky is blue and the birds are chirping and i have a slight pressure from my intestines, but think nothing of it
Half hour into the walk i decide to light up the spliff at a nice secluded bush down some alley
it is at this point that I realize the slight pressure i felt down below is the brewings of a full-scale battle that is about to be raged
By this point i am not a little high and a half-hours walk away from my room and this is when i feel the first drip
The first thing that came into my mind was "incontinence" and i thought of old people shiting themselves in diapers--not a good thought when the next one is of YOU doing so
Relaxed pace turns into frantic speed-walk as my asshole apparantly starts to lose the battle to hold the damn closed, much like a stoned superman would have
The dripping feeling continues much to my dismay but i see my dorms ahead, just a 5 minute walk away. I can already tell there is very little if any solid matter in my future, but likely there will be much toilet paper
Did i mention they dont like us smoking ganja and coming back to the dorms? Obviously not something at the fore-front of my mind at this point
As i burst through the door and start sprinting up the stairs i hear familiar voices at my landing, and sure enough the RAs who busted me the week before are sitting there waiting for god-knows what, but certainly ready to give my reeking-of-joint self a good talking to
i guess i scared them away with the splattering sounds from the bathroom because they certainly werent there when i got out 15 minutes later
the feeling of instantly losing 5 pounds of water plus the relief of not getting busted plus the fat spliff=best shit of my life
(Fri 28th Mar 2008, 17:44, More)
The water of doom
Que first beautiful, warm day of the year
que fat spliff and a nice walk
The sky is blue and the birds are chirping and i have a slight pressure from my intestines, but think nothing of it
Half hour into the walk i decide to light up the spliff at a nice secluded bush down some alley
it is at this point that I realize the slight pressure i felt down below is the brewings of a full-scale battle that is about to be raged
By this point i am not a little high and a half-hours walk away from my room and this is when i feel the first drip
The first thing that came into my mind was "incontinence" and i thought of old people shiting themselves in diapers--not a good thought when the next one is of YOU doing so
Relaxed pace turns into frantic speed-walk as my asshole apparantly starts to lose the battle to hold the damn closed, much like a stoned superman would have
The dripping feeling continues much to my dismay but i see my dorms ahead, just a 5 minute walk away. I can already tell there is very little if any solid matter in my future, but likely there will be much toilet paper
Did i mention they dont like us smoking ganja and coming back to the dorms? Obviously not something at the fore-front of my mind at this point
As i burst through the door and start sprinting up the stairs i hear familiar voices at my landing, and sure enough the RAs who busted me the week before are sitting there waiting for god-knows what, but certainly ready to give my reeking-of-joint self a good talking to
i guess i scared them away with the splattering sounds from the bathroom because they certainly werent there when i got out 15 minutes later
the feeling of instantly losing 5 pounds of water plus the relief of not getting busted plus the fat spliff=best shit of my life
(Fri 28th Mar 2008, 17:44, More)
» Your first cigarette
i didnt get it
despite my previous experience with tobacco's green counterpart i didnt quite grasp the concept of inhaling the drag
it took me about a month and maybe 20 cigarettes before i inhaled for the first time semi by accident
my sudden and violent coughing attack took everyone in the car by suprise, so much so that we almost got in a crash
then cigarettes would REALLY have killed
(Sat 22nd Mar 2008, 22:17, More)
i didnt get it
despite my previous experience with tobacco's green counterpart i didnt quite grasp the concept of inhaling the drag
it took me about a month and maybe 20 cigarettes before i inhaled for the first time semi by accident
my sudden and violent coughing attack took everyone in the car by suprise, so much so that we almost got in a crash
then cigarettes would REALLY have killed
(Sat 22nd Mar 2008, 22:17, More)