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» Stupid Colleagues

I was onboard a frigate back in the 80's and lived in the S&S Mess (Supply and Secretariat.The Chefs, Caterers, Stores etc.).

On a Saturday night at sea the duty watch of chefs would always make an extra effort and run a cook to order counter.

Steak? how would you like it? Omlettes? what would you like in it?

This particular day Jan, the guy in charge of the Galley sat down with Ronnie and went through the evening's menu.

"Usual menu" said Jan. "But tonight we'll also do a 'Spud'U'Like' counter for the lads.

"Righto!" Says Ronnie (who it must be said, was never the sharpest sandwich in the sea). And off he went to begin his watch.

That evening Jan and I queued up and looked over the epicurian delights that Ronnie and his lads had toiled over all afternoon.

No lovely baked spuds, no fillings, just chips.

I looked a Jan, he looked at me then shugged his shoulders and said.

"Oh well, I s'pose they're spuds 'e likes!".

One Monday morning Ronnie turned up in my sick bay with a face like a job lot of fire damaged lego (Challenge of the week anyone?).

"Who the fuck did that to you mate?". I naturally assumed he'd had 10 bales of shit knocked out of him over the weekend.

"No one". He replied. "I did it Waterskiing".

Now I've seen many sporting injuries in my time but what is now called the Mechanism of Injury just didn't equate to the damage to his face, so naturally I gently probed further.

"Fuck Off Ronnie. How'd you really do it and no bullshit!"

"I really was waterskiing Doc. I hit a tree"

His Missus was the same but her little story can follow if I haven't bored you all enough already.
(Wed 9th Mar 2011, 1:34, More)

» Crappy relationships

Revenge is sweet
This goes on for a bit but the end is brilliant

(Tue 26th Oct 2010, 21:24, More)

» Vandalism

Avian wildlife abuse.
While under training at a large naval hospital on the South Coast I left one of my exercise books loafing on a desk.

When I returned someone had scrawled "Pugwash fucks seagulls"

This amused me so I wrote underneath "He also has funny terns"

Every one of the lads who watched me do this smirked and told me I'd spelled 'Turns' wrong.
(Mon 11th Oct 2010, 1:38, More)

» Bodge Jobs

The Shame.
I was invited to a party by a record producer.

There were supermodels and lots of drugs.

My own car had been clamped so I had to drive there in a Honda Civic.
(Fri 11th Mar 2011, 2:01, More)

» Ouch!

Not me but...
a colleague treated a chap who had a papercut..

To his eyeball.
(Wed 4th Aug 2010, 2:06, More)
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