b3ta.com user addickted
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Recent front page messages:

I dun this last niyte.

(Wed 15th Aug 2012, 21:28, More)

Meanwhile, at the closing ceremony...

(Mon 13th Aug 2012, 22:50, More)

Big fat topical chinny reckon...


*FP! I'd like to thank everyone but spesh Julia Robetrs for making this retouch possible by looking like a tramps sleeping bag before post production.
(Thu 28th Jul 2011, 8:32, More)

It's late, I'm tired...

(Thu 20th Nov 2008, 23:21, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Bad gigs

Nightmares On Wax, Kentish Town Forum, Late 90's?
Me and my best mate got tickets. Spent the preceding hours to the gig pre-rolling skunk spliffs and then concealing them on ourselves. We then hit the pubs before arriving at the venue and continue drinking 4-5 pints of Caffreys whilst the warm up plays their set. We get through a couple of spliffs each (pre-smoking ban this was), and get chatting to a lovely couple of french girls. Winning.

The lights go down, everyone starts cheering for NOW and then....

I wake up in the first aid area.

Apparently with the heat of the venue, the caffreys, the other alcohol consumed and the skunk racing round my system I'd collapsed head first on he floor after taking out one of the french girls. My mate had to drag me to the first aid room where they scooped me up on to the gurney thing and let me sleep.

5 mins before the end of the gig I came too, sat up and emptied the contents of my stomach over the first aider, the room and myself just as my mate and the two concerned french girls came in.

The worst bit of it all was sitting there trying to recover and watching a tiny portable TV in the corner of the room showing Tremors.

Shittest gig ever.
(Wed 31st Jul 2013, 6:31, More)

» The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis

My Ex
had one of those Greek style wedding rings (the type with 3 interwoven bands that move around each other).

Anyhow, one night she was giving me a bit of a hand-shandy, when all of a sudden I felt the most searing pain coming from down below.

The ring had caught my skin in it and with the hand movement, proceeded to rip an inch and a half of skin off of my skin-flute.

It fucking well hurt and bled for a few hours.

I still have the scar =(
(Thu 12th Mar 2009, 14:05, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Don't piss the dog off...
When I was 7 years old. I was perched on the foot of the stairs with 'Prince', the family labrador sat loyally at my feet.

Wondering if dogs feel pain, I took the compass that my irresponsible sister had left lying around and plunged it into Princes' heed.

I can now confirm that dogs do indeed feel pain, but not half as much as I did when the little shitbag bit my hand leaving me with a scar to this very day.

Bastard dog, and I blame my bitch sister for getting me bitten...
(Thu 27th Dec 2007, 13:51, More)

» Racist grandparents

My ex brother-in-law was in the Army...
One day his troop were parading in front of Prince Phillip. My ex BIL was at the very end of the line and 4 or 5 soldiers up from him was a black solider.

Prince Phillip gets to the end of the line and leans in to the Sergeant and within earshot of my ex BIL says:

"Very good, very good. I'm just not sure on the fuzzy-wuzzy though".
(Thu 27th Oct 2011, 12:38, More)

» Ginger

I have ginger sideburns. Nothing else, just my sideboards.
Because of this strange hair anomaly, my pal calls me Fish Fingers.

It also means that any future offspring that born unto to the ginger gene, will be placed in a Hessian sack weighted down with large rocks and tossed into the Thames...
(Thu 25th Feb 2010, 21:35, More)
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