» Guilty Pleasures

well
i like to invite 12 year old boys to come to my ranch and i give them wine which i call 'jesus juice' and then i share the bed with them

i know its wrong but it feels natural

shamon motherfucker
(Fri 8th Apr 2005, 0:40, More)

» Dad Jokes

mum jokes
my mum does the lame-o jokes chez moi

two faves

'have you got the time roughly?'
mum '(ina gruff voice) well it's about...'

small chile 'will you put my shoes on?'
mum 'i don't think they'd fit me'

for these reasons i am now a firm believer in matricide
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 18:16, More)

» Claims to Fame

live on air shitting
when i was a wee child my dad used to be a tv director - he did a show called 'the big time' whereby a 'nobody' was plucked in order to have their big chance. this is where sheena easten started her career so it was stars galore. and bear in mind this was 1978 predating reality tv by aeons.

anyway on this one with a trapeze lady (who i suspect may have not had a glittering career afterwards unless she did porn) the climax was her doing a big act in a big top with a big audience bigging her up.

during this their was a cut to audience which was basically my 2 year old mush. and i looked quite angelic then.

unbeknownst to the touched viewing public was seconds before the shot was taken i had done an almighty shit which my poor mother was gently feeling.

i'm a class act

southern comfort and lemonade anyone?
(Mon 28th Feb 2005, 16:49, More)