b3ta.com user Puddle of Sugar
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I am Puddle

Puddle is me

I'm not made of the sugar.

I could survive for 1 minute, 13 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

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Best answers to questions:

» Prejudice

Not me but a mate, she was heading back into her block of student flats at about midnight and saw a chinese guy outside the door. He was standing there in a baseball cap and was holding a bag full of takeaway.

"Oh" she said, "I didn't realise you delived this late!"

"I don't." He said, "This is my dinner, I live here"
(Mon 5th Apr 2010, 18:32, More)

» Pet Peeves

Tabloid newspaper "campaigns"
Whether it's the Daily Nazi telling us that we should all bow down in reverence for the elderly or the Sun insisting that we still need to be checking under our beds for Maddie, these ventures really grind my 'nads. Somehow, not being credited with the ability to draw my own conclusions from the stories and cack-handed statistics on offer makes me like my hospital wards filthy, my food over-packaged and my fuel bills sky high. Thats just the way it is.
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 0:04, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

Instiutional Eating Disorder
Being a poor wee student, I take on holiday work at the local supermarket to fund the term-time shenanigans. I work in a team of ladies, all some years older than me, part of the yummy mummy set and constantly competitive dieting. Come break time, after six hours at the grindstone, the hunger pangs are well and truly kicked in. As I tuck into my tasty canteen sandwich, they start.

"Ooh, someone's hungry!"
"Save some for the rest of us"
"You won't be able to pack it away like that when you've had kids"
or the most offensive:
"You'll get fat"

Well, if they are happy to survive all day on an apple and three raisins, good luck to them, but I'll be sticking to the bacon and eggs diet plan.

All size 8 of me.
(Thu 24th Jan 2008, 19:03, More)

» Real-life slapstick

Right now
Falling up a set of granite stairs inside the university library and in the process letting out an unladylike "HUUURRGGAAAH!" noise and a guff I had been saving for later. A lot of people saw.
(Mon 25th Jan 2010, 17:15, More)

» Call Centres

Antique's Roadshow Soup
Answering the customer phoneline for a supermarket gains you some interesting calls, including the regular shouty, sweary ones, the plain bizzare and once and actual bomb threat (a story for later).

One day, I answered the phone to a very worried old lady who had just bought a tin of oxtail soup.

Me: What is the problem with the soup madam?

Lady: I was just putting my shopping away when I noticed that the date said 5/10 1932. That soup is over seventy years out of date! Can I have my money back?

Me: Are you sure it says that?

Lady: Oooh yes my dear, my dinner is antique!

I spent the next ten minutes explaining that the number wasn't the year, it was just the batch code and that the soup wasn't worth any more than what she'd paid for it. I really felt like I had robbed her of her fifteen minutes of fame and the chance to touch Michael Aspel that day.
(Thu 3rd Sep 2009, 13:24, More)
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