b3ta.com user GoodLord
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» Random Acts of Evil

Just after leaving Uni
I found myself unemployed and what with day and night meaning very little, I discovered that my breakfast time coincided nicely with night-club opening hours.

I started off just heading to this one place for a couple of drinks, I'd have to eek out each one so I didn't blow the whole giro in one night, but I became someting of a regular and the staff seemed to like me.

One evening the club started running burlesque nights, which drew a crowd, and it was during one of these that I got to know two of the performers, who went by the stage names Sophie and Stacey Valentine, their act consisted of plenty of whips and leather.

We got on well, but I could see they weren't getting a very good deal out of the club, so using all my best "just finished university with a 2.1 in business management bluster, I offered to be their manager. Stacey turned me down flat, but not the other one, and that's how I ran domme act Sophie Val.
(Mon 20th Feb 2012, 8:55, More)

» Funerals II

My Dad's funeral
Went off as per normal, hearses, crematorium, eulogies, back to the pub to get absolutely hammered etc.

It went a bit weird when my brother came up to me saying how he'd lost the little bag of weed I'd arranged for him (he'd come from out of town).

After a few moments reflection we realised it must have fallen out of his pocket while we were on the bouncy castle (did I not mention the bouncy castle)?

(Thu 11th Apr 2013, 14:40, More)

» The Boss

There's always a deal...
I've read a couple of Pooflake's descriptions of the Warehouse management at a certain warehouse, but as I was office based, here's one of the office managers (I ain't going to hope to match PF for vitriolic style or metaphoric panache though).

Not long after our team was brought together (merging two site's teams into one) it was decided we'd all go for a curry, so there's about 20 of us in the curry house and I find myself opposite the manager in question (who shall remain Mike).

As we're perusing the menus and deciding upon starters, rice, naans etc. he leans over to one of his new cronies and says "order up twenty poppadoms but tell them we want a deal fro a bulk order and we want them for 20p each" [instead of 25p]

So to sum up, this sentence alone means:
1) A grand saving of £2 off a £200-odd restaurant bill.
2) The staff of the place who are about to cook your dinner think you are a tosser (and so god knows what they do to the food) and
3) All your staff think you are a twunt of the first order, and not only that, but that you haven't got the guts to be a twat yourself, you have to get a minion to do it.

The fact that I stayed there another 7 years is more testament to my idleness and high tolerance of shite than his getting any better as a manager.


Oh, and he ALWAYS pronounced "specific" without the 's'
And at least three of his staff cited him as the reason for leaving in their exit interviews, myself included - it was only his planned retirement being weeks away that stopped him getting fired.
(Fri 19th Jun 2009, 15:19, More)

» Buses

I was taking the bus home one day
When this youngish woman in a catsuit got on. She didn't seem to have enough money for the fare, but the driver let her on anyway. She was followed by this bloke in a blue suit and a long brown trenchcoat.

So far so straightforward, but then, as we went through the Blackwall tunnel (although it could well have been a tunnel in Cardiff) we must have hit a pothole or something because there was all of a sudden lights flashing outside, sparks and general odd spacey-timey effects.

ALl of a sudden we find ourselves in the middle of the desert on an alien planet. The weird bloke in the suit claims he's some kind of doctor, but he didn't help with my sprained ankle. And the woman in the catsuit annouces she's Lady Fruitella-Tottington or some such and decides she's in charge.

After that a whole bunch of alien flying metal things come swarming towards the bus and I start to regret taking a bus anywhere near an Easter Bank Holiday.

If only I'd done it forty years earlier I'd at least there's have been some singing and dancing and I'd have got to meet a young Una Stubbs.

(Fri 26th Jun 2009, 10:23, More)

» Sporting Woe

I scored a hat trick last weekend
Not bad going I reckon seeing as the first of the three goals was in 1995
(Fri 20th Apr 2012, 15:44, More)
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