b3ta.com user guyver
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I'm Andy, and I get cancer from going outside ie: I am ginger.

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» I Quit!

first post, gentle treatement appreciated.
Nothing particularly spectacular. I worked in a call centre for a month. Inbound calls, so not as should destroying as it may have been, and there were a lot of nice callers. However, the managers were douche bags. I replaced my lanyard for my security card with a different one that I owned. Nothing garish, an RAF one I kaged from a grad stall. I was bollocked by my line manager, as he was bollocked by the regional manager, who saw me with it. Then, I was on my break, logged off the system, sat, blatantly on my allowed and scheduled break. I took out my book. Some blonde manager thing came up and said "You can't read in here" I asked why and was told it was company policy. I asked for a reason behind this. It was a fucking Terry Pratchett book I was reading, not a top shelf wank mag. I told her to stick her job up her arse and walked out. This may seem petty, but consider the implications of a company that wont let you read on you breaks, what other shit are they going to pull?
(Mon 26th May 2008, 16:40, More)

» Food sabotage

Mild twatty sabotage
While working on the deli counter at a supermarket, the name of which sounds like making a flower not get what it wants, we got up to some shenanigans. We never actively poisoned anything, and by and large people were nice, both sides of the counter. But being 17 and bored, stuff just happened.

We found out that if you stir quite a lot of the jelly off of the top of chicken pate into chicken vindaloo, no one notices. At all.

More often than not, the chickens had been used as horrendous meaty glove puppets before we cooked them.

Me and another guy who worked saturday mornings had an ever escalating, but entirely good natured meat war. We started off throwing little bits of meat at each other. This soon progressed to whole slices of whatever we had been cutting, then ham knuckles were thrown at each other. Strangely, it went down a notch in size, but upped the ante so much when we started cutting the fat off whatever we had and weaponising that. I received a fistfull of ham fat down my back, but I got him back by ambushing him out the back and wedging beef fat into his ear.

Oh, and did you know, girls really don't like it when you peel off a tongue from the roll of pig tongues(yes there was such a thing) and chase them with them.

Length?I still don't get this in-joke, as I am still a new spazz, information appreciated.
(Wed 24th Sep 2008, 16:55, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

My first ever post
I saw this and had to answer it, I worked with a woman called Cheryl.She was the most stupid person on earth, by a wide margin. Of the many things she did, and this sounds like it is lifted from an awful American sitcom, she once asked "Is a thesaurus a dinosaur?" She was not joking, being ironic or referencing something, it was a genuine question. I nearly died laughing at her. She walked away crying and I got a bollocking from my manager.
(Wed 30th Jan 2008, 13:05, More)