» Spoilt Brats

PRISONERS
I helped move a nice German lady into her new house today and all the while she was telling me her life story. Being born in the war, joining the army, and her brother being put in prison.

In many of the countries she's been to they get flatbread and water in prison. And that's it. No special health care or privileges of any sort..

But her brother told her when he got out of prison here in Blighty, it was so hard adjusting to life outside because being in British prison was the easiest most relaxed time of his life. It's disgraceful.

Bring back the death sentence, Deter the criminals, free up space, put the money saved into the NHS.
(Sun 12th Oct 2008, 0:10, More)

» Get Rich Quick

Write a Cult TV Classic... again.
Amongst all the emotional trauma I've sustained lately I've been thinking of ways to sort things out and such.... Turn back the clock as it were... right things that once went wrong...

So I did what any heartbroken geek would, I started writing a script for a new series of Quantum Leap... Oh frig yes!

It's perfect, old Sammy Beckett is still trapped in his neverending cycle of sorting out other peoples shit and giving a right good kicking to the agents of the devil. It could kick off in the modern day, seeing as it all takes place in his lifetime, bar a couple of episodes in his grandpappy's days, he coulda just been going on and on throughout the eighties, nineties and noughties.

Hopefully some execs would enjoy the idea and Scott Bakula would be interested after they canned Enterprise(which I loved tbh!) and Dean Stockwell seems like a healthy bloke being a martial artist so even at 72 he might put on a good show.

It MUST be done.

Apologies for length, I'm stuck in a quantum leap myself. Oh boy!
(Tue 5th Aug 2008, 19:51, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Mummy's Old Workies
Back when I was fairly wee, at about the age of 7 or 8, my mum and my two elder sisters worked at an old folks home near the beach in sunny Margate.

My dad, being the antisocial git he was back then, wasn't mum's first choice to look after me whilst she and my sisters were on the night shifts, so I had to go and stay in the filthy piss-ridden stinkhole a couple nights a week.

The experience that stands out most in my mind from those dreadful times was a typical night for the fam, but will stick with me forever.

Sitting in the kitchen grating industrial sized blocks of cheese to make myself a sarnie, I noticed one of the room alarm lights was flashing. I called my mummsy in and everyone rushed upstairs to see to whichever biddy needed assistance. This was a first for me so I legged it up there to see what goes on when these alarms are going.

Being a good mum, she let me in the room to keep an eye on me and made me sit in a nicely ammonia stained chair in the corner. As I turned to plonk myself down, I was horrified to see a fairly old woman, ailed with what can only be described as her fanny being sick.

There were organs actually hanging out... Now, I've never had aspirations of working in medicine or care, but do read up alot, and this... well... I still don't understand what could possibly cause a nice old biddy to have haemoroids coming out of the front bum.

So loving mum and loving sisters are trying to help nice sharing old lady out, whilst also trying to shield me from seeing this horrific sight, and after a few re-applications of catheters and a bit of juice in her IV, lovely nice old generous lady just can't take it and not so peacefully passed on.

and I'm just sitting there staring at this poor husk of what used to be a person... put me right off my sandwich.

Fucked me up a good deal too methinks... probably the root of my fear of the lady parts.

Truly sorry for length, it's my first time and after seeing that, would you be able to maintain one...
(Mon 3rd Mar 2008, 14:20, More)

» Get Rich Quick

Thinking of selling my body.
After going through a particularly bad break up today (more me getting dumped because after a year she suddenly feels different), I decided I might just have to sell my body, perhaps I won't get rich quick but the scaly old men touching me might detract from how utterly shit my life is.

If me trying my hardest to do everything right and treat her like a queen I get treated like a sap, I don't see much point in doing anything worthwhile.

Then again, been scamming Gala Bingo with my mum for a while, might get a windfall yet. :P

Sorry for utterly uninteresting length. I'm a massive cock.
(Sun 3rd Aug 2008, 21:50, More)

» Blood

With an ex...
As baw_bag's story reminded me, making sweet love whilst the painters are in, is often unpleasant.

A few years back, whilst seeing my first proper girlfriend, we were getting a bit frisky on the sofa downstairs when she decided she wanted me there and then.

As I knew she was painting the town red, I was adamant that my hobbit was not venturing into the crack of doom on such an afternoon, as memories came flooding back of a previous experience where she forgot to take her plug out and a long time was spent retrieving it... *shudders* (and no I do not understand the logistics myself, she was tiny and I am definitely not)

But she kept going on and on til I gave up and made sure she gave herself a wipe and removed the previous occupant. So we went at it a while on the floor, a bit of rolling and such. Some fun was had, not by me, she was rubbish... Finished up just in time as her mum got home, so I scurried upstairs and left the ex to tidy up as any loving boyfriend shit-scared of parentals would.

All was fine, nothing was out of place I thought. Her mum called us down for dinner a while later and I sat and ate my jacket potato with relish as it was the most interesting part of my day, had a quick chat with the mum and then me and the ex scurried back upstairs.

"Oh...My...FUCKING...GOD!"

I spin around... "WHAT?!" I yell in utter shit-your-pants-surprise.

"Your....your back!"

Yes, I had rolled over onto a used tampon and the back of my shirt was utterly covered in blood, then I had sat and had dinner with the mother whilst not having a clue.

I never thought it was possible to die from embarrassment but I'm certain I came within a flea's whisker.

and I'm certain a few flea's came in their own.

Apologies for length, I don't know how she took it with one already in either.
(Fri 8th Aug 2008, 5:00, More)