» Strange things you've been paid to do

Paid to take coke
Over here in the Netherlands, I took part in a medical study in a town called Groningen. We had to stay at the clininc for 3 nights and take smallish amounts of very pure cocaine during the day. I was paid about 300 quid and my train travel for doing so. I was reluctant to leave.
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 14:38, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

Pissing blood after bar misundertanding.
I was out for a pint or two when I was 18. A friend of mine who didn't smoke asked my for a light (for someone else), I knew he didn't smoke so I said somthing silly: "Who's that for Johnny McCoomb"? It so happens that a Gary McCoomb was standing close at the bar and his uncle Johnny had been thrown off the pier years previous with an anchor around his neck. I tried to explain that I didn't know his uncle and wasn't dissing his memory, to no avail. Gary promptly planted his steel toecap directly into my nuts. I went several shades of green, and retreated to the toilet urinals where I proceeded to piss about 1.5 pints of blood before being taken to hospital for 3 days.

I waslater know in college as 'One ball Paul' even though they are both still there...
(Sat 15th Jul 2006, 15:30, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Acid brings out the best...
The first one occurred on my first visit to Amsterdam (where I now live): I had dropped 2 sunflowers which were quite strong and visual. Myself and 2 friends went to a club, apparently they bribed the bouncer to let me in as I looked a state already. When we got inside, I thought I had no money left so my friends spent all theirs on our collective drinking. When the money ran out, I was undeterred and started drinking from extinguished candle holders full of dried wax. It seems I didn't notice there was no booze in them and was happy doing that for hours, they showed me the photos.

When we came out of the club at about 10 in the morning, Renault or some car manufacturer were filming an ad outside. There was some kind of Afghan hound involved and I ran up to it shouting 'Hyacinth Hyacinth, where have you been my darling'?

Erm...I think I'll keep schtuum about the other episodes...
(Sat 17th Dec 2005, 21:11, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Drunk Driving
When I was 21, I drove home from a party 10 miles from my house. I was dropping off at the wheel, usually opening my eyes just in time to veer away from the ditch. I approached a hill not far from my house - I was driving a French reg. mini in Ireland - when I realised I was going to get sick. Instead of stopping the car I simply opened the driver's door and attempted to hurls my chunks roadside as I continued up the hill. Needless to say when I woke up the next day my poor mini was covered inside. I learned a lesson and have only drunk and driven 5 times since then (10 years ago).
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 16:20, More)