b3ta.com user CasualGovtObserver
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» Funerals II

Oh yeah?
Probably the strangest funeral I've ever attended was for my grandfather, who passed near the end of October, and as fate had it, the service was given on the evening of Halloween. We had driven nearly 1000 miles to make the service, with our four young children at the time, between the ages of 6 and 10 - the very ages that revere Halloween trick-or-treat as the single greatest annual experience of over-the-counter hallucinogenic treats freely given by strangers for the casual use of minors.
They were actually angels about the whole thing, a surreal, Haloween-eve fire-and-brimstone wrath of God service given by a southern-Kentucky Christian fundamentalist minister, complete with open casket and a fair contingent of "touchers" (gotta touch the body, ya know) o_0
On the way back home we let them do some Halloween shopping to cheer them up, not that it helped that much. I did eventually get some smiles when I told them, "Look; If anybody in school asks what you did on Halloween, just tell them you went to see a dead body."
(Fri 12th Apr 2013, 3:50, More)

» My Saviour

The Eloi
Oh yeah, and I rescued my former office team from a bunch of cockheads by getting them fired. I felt just like H.G. Wells.

I never knew how hard it was to prove a cockhead is a cockhead.
(Fri 10th May 2013, 4:20, More)

» My Saviour

Rolling Stoned
Years ago I worked in town near a homeless shelter, which by some strange coincidence happened to be situated merely a block away from one of the largest liquor shops in town, which naturally sported some collection of shelter guests on property any time the doors were open.
Being driven by food, mostly, I happened to be walking opposite the hooch market en route to lunch when, on hooch side approaching, I notice a wheel-chaired gentleman who appeared to be asleep, rolling his wheelchair up the hill as I am walking down.
Being a people watcher, this of course interested me greatly, and as I near him I begin to see he is muttering to himself with his head down; I also notice that the homeless home-boys further down at the hooch-house also have some interest in him.
About the time we both come directly across the street from each other, he arrives at an alley access way, which in typical fashion, has a gradient and slope necessary to bring curb and street to level. This proved to much for wheelchair Bob, who managed to conquer the challenge of sidewalk to asphalt, only to be bested by the sum of the angle of the hill combined with the asphalt to sidewalk gradient., which immediately renders him tits-up in his chair, mumbling and cursing.
So there I am, the only person around save for the homeless gang at the liquor shop, who are actually enjoying this part of the experience and making no visible effort to assist a man whom I can only assume at this point is there "friend?"
Of course I couldn't just ignore him, so I ran to the opposite side of the road, and as I got closer started noticing this was no small fella, as he was definitely pushing 250-300lbs - a data-point that may explain why his homeys were in no hurry to help.
Once I arrive I asked if he was OK, but he just kept muttering and mumbling. I called that a yes, so I hefted him upright, and rolled him back down the hill so he could work out whatever he needed to with his buddies, who proceeded to give him the "you dumbass" treatment.
Sensing I had re-united a happy family, I continued on my lunch-quest, renewed with a sense of purpose and commitment to my fellow man. Huzzah!
(Fri 10th May 2013, 4:10, More)

» The B3ta Cookbook

Scalded Mud Dawg
One Hot Dog
One Hot Dog Bun
3 Tbsp High Grade Chili
3 Tbsp Hottest of Hot sauces available to man

Combine Chili and Hot sauce. Drape over Hot Dog in Bun (additional condiments may be included).


Wait approx. 24 hours.

Enoy again!
(Fri 29th Jun 2012, 3:06, More)

» Hoarding

All of it. How many people do you know still have MS Macro Assembler and Lotus 123 at their fingertips? I Can't help it; I'm a nostalgic romantic. If there was a BBS still active somewhere and I had a modem, ProComm2.0 and I are ready.
(Fri 4th May 2012, 2:38, More)
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