b3ta.com user Spicy McHaggis
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» I witnessed a crime

Pointless Break-in
A few years ago, I used to live in a scummy little council bedsit (yes, I know) which was next door to the largest concentrated area of flats in the town. I could tell you many stories of the crime which happened in that area.

The first one happened to an ex-workmate of mine, who moved into the flat downstairs from mine before I left.

Just before he moved out, he'd somehow managed to get some random girl pregnant and decided to move up north with her, he went out on the piss with myself and a few others. I was working the next day, so I decided to go home and sleep off the Guinness.

The next morning, I checked my phone and I had received a text from said friend saying "I've lost my laptop." As it transpired, he'd managed to get home the previous evening and got inside the flat, turned on his laptop and promptly fell asleep. When he awoke from his slumber, he noticed that the laptop was missing, but the thief had left the power adapter.

I suggested that he go around all the neighbours and ask who wanted to buy it from him. One guy did offer to take it off his hands, so my friend called the local police. When he explained the situation, they came up within a few minutes and arrested him.

Who steals a laptop from a drunk man, and forgets the power adapter? Then when offered an adapter the next day, offers to buy it?

He got his laptop back and a day off work (with expenses) for going to court.

*pop*, there goes the b3ta cherry.
(Tue 19th Feb 2008, 20:06, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Mountains Part One
As a member of the local Mountain Rescue team in my local town, I have wheeled a few stiffs off the mountainside. One or two will stay with me for a long time, others there wasn't much we could do for them.

It was a warm, Summer's afternoon a few years back and I was out with a few friends climbing on one of the more well known and more challenging ascents. It was decided that I go up and secure the line so my friends could climb up. So there I am, scaling the rockface, with the sun beating down on my back, slowly pulling my body up the side of a mountain. All in the name of 'fun'.

I got to the top of the ledge and hauled myself onto it. I looked around for a secure spot to hitch the rope to, when I spotted a large rucksack sitting alone on the narrow ledge. I edged my way over to it and, thankfully, there was no one attached to it. I shouted up, but got no response. I called the base to let them know that I was on the scene but I needed assistance. By the time I'd climbed to the next ledge, the rest of the team would have been there anyway. So I started to climb.

I got there and quickly pulled myself up onto the ledge and noticed the casualty. When I shouted over to him, he responded. This was a good sign. I told him to lay still and that help was on the way. It was then he told me that his head felt strange. So I leaned over him and moved his hat away from his head and clocked an eyeful of the large wound on the side of his head, which was infested with maggots.

I tried to keep him talking, and he was right up until he heard the helicopter coming in. I'll never forget what he said:

Me: Don't worry (name deleted), we'll soon have you in the hospital and back to full health in no time.
Him: (hears helicopter)Is that for me?
Me: Yes, that's your transport now. Don't worry, everything will be just fine.
Him: Just leave me here. This is the final sunset.

and with that, he closed his eyes and never regained consciousness.

When the post-mortem results came back, it said that he had been laying there for a few days before being discovered.
(Tue 4th Mar 2008, 18:49, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Mountains Part Two
Again from my time on the local Mountain Rescue Team.

I don't think that anyone who was on the team that night will forget that night. Forevermore it shall be etched into our minds.

A group, who had been climbing and scaling rocks for about a week, had come to the end of their journey. So they decided to go out on one final scale before returning homeward. They had roped themselves up in three groups of six. Two group leaders plus four young teenagers per rope.

The third group wasn't as experienced as the rest, so they went last. Apparently two of them lost their footing on some shingle and dropped off the rockface, taking the others with them.

I remember getting that call-out as if it were yesterday. "Multiple injuries, 6persons (4child+2ad)"

I got to the base and got a quick briefing from the Team Leader, a good friend of mine, and we both headed out to the scene, along with the others.

When we got there, we booked the helicopter for the ones who weren't badly injured, and called it for a return on those who needed hospital treatment. I was dealing with one of the more fortunate victims, when I was called over to help the Team Leader and another member with a less-fortunate child.

The first task was to remove the large boulder which had dislodged when they fell and landed on his face. When I managed to heave the boulder away, my Team Leader's face turned a visible shade of green as he uttered, "Where's his face?" before vomiting next to the victim. He still had a pulse, and was breathing, so that's good enough to attempt a resuscitation. Which we did. We managed to get him stable, but he died later in the hospital.

We were all offered counseling after that shout, which most of us accepted. But that image, just after I removed the rock, will remain with me for a long time. He was 13.
(Tue 4th Mar 2008, 19:06, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

Sometimes shit happens
and usually it's discovered at three in the morning by me.

NOT for the faint hearted!

Funnily enough, the person responsible never admitted to this... Can't think why.

I do love my job.

EDIT: Better now?
(Sat 29th Mar 2008, 12:46, More)

» Karma

Campsite Karma
Last year, when I used to work on a campsite for the Summer (excellent pay and you get to watch all the talent while "working"), they were a bit short for the night shift, so I volunteered to do it.

It was one of those long Summer nights when the sky never gets that dark, and it was warm too. At around 3am I heard a car pulling up at the main gate (which is closed to traffic after 11pm), so I went down there to investigate.

There were three 20-something males and a stupid boy-racer car making a lot of noise, talking loudly and playing their music quite loud. I walked up and asked them what they were doing, the "leader" said that they had just arrived and were wanting to stay the night.

I don't think so.

So I asked them to pack up and head off, as they weren't getting onto the site at 3am. They had told me that they weren't planning on sneaking onto the site, but they had already thrown their rucksacks over the hedge. No problem, I thought. I went round and retrieved them and threw them back over the hedge.

I went back to the gate to make sure they left. Which they did, after about ten minutes. It was not long after they left, that I realised there was something in the car park near where their car had been. So I went to take a look.

It seems that my noisy visitors had forgotten something to help them sleep. A full bottle of Jack Daniels and a 2 litre bottle of Coke. I took them both back to the office, with all intentions of handing them over to the boss in the morning.

The only thing I handed over was a note of the vehicle's registration number, so they couldn't book in if they tried. The coke was finished over the course of a few days at work and the Jack Daniels remains unopened in my kitchen cupboard. I don't drink it and no one I know does either.
(Mon 25th Feb 2008, 11:25, More)
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