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» Accidental innuendo
Many years ago I lived in South Africa and there was a tent company that had large trucks that drove around delivering (presumably folded up) marquee tents. The (did I mention large?) trucks drove innocently around the streets of Johannesburg with the words “for the best erections in town” written on their sides in large letters.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 16:25, More)
Many years ago I lived in South Africa and there was a tent company that had large trucks that drove around delivering (presumably folded up) marquee tents. The (did I mention large?) trucks drove innocently around the streets of Johannesburg with the words “for the best erections in town” written on their sides in large letters.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 16:25, More)
» Public Transport Trauma
Rock on!
Earlier this month I travelled to London to visit an old friend. I travelled by Virgin Train on one of their fantastic new Pendolino tilting trains. These trains are truly fantastic and can make the journey between Manchester and London is 2 hours and 15 minutes. The journey down to London was fine but the journey back up as absolutely horrific.
I boarded the train at London Euston and settled into my seat in coach D. All the seats I could see, including mine and the one next to me, were reserved. As the train was pulling out of Euston a young lady came down the isle with two children running around her. Now let me put this into perspective. This young lady could not have been more than 22 years old and was one of those people who should not have custody of a goldfish never mind an actual child. She hovered next to the vacant, reserved seat (not reserved for her I should add) and then looked at the lady sitting at the opposite window and asked "Is anybody sittin' 'ere?". “UM no" replied the lady. "AJ you sit there" she said pointing to the seat next to the lady. She then plonked herself down next to me and her young daughter climbed onto her lap. I don't know how old this daughter was, younger than AJ, but she was certainly old enough to jump up and down on a train seat screaming which she did periodically throughout the journey. This daughter kept bashing into me, the mother kept bashing into
me, both the kids screamed, jumped and ran around. They made a terrible mess of the place. Biscuit crumbs everywhere, the daughter smeared melted chocolate (it was a hot day) all over the fold down table and when they left there were sweet packets and other rubbish left behind. I could fill pages with their antics but I think you get the idea.
So what to do. I have a taste for hard rock and although not a rocker as such I do like
heavy music. After an hour of being pushed, bashed and listening to the kids screaming (and the mother screaming at the kids), I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled out my Ipod and found the loudest, baddest heavy metal I could and turned the volume up until I couldn’t hear the screaming any more. I started off with Rammstein's Rosenrot album and when that finished moved on to Trivium's album The Crusade. While I could no longer hear the kids screaming I was still being pushed and bashed. With just over an hour left in the journey the mother got up to take the kids to the toilet. When she retuned she didn't sit next to me! She booted AJ out of his seat and sat next to the lady. I should point out that by the end of the first hour both the kids were out of control and AJ was spending very little time in the seat unlike his little sister who had been driving me nuts while she sat
on her mothers lap. Anyway, with the seat next to me vacant the rest of the journey was more pleasant. Result!
(Fri 30th May 2008, 13:00, More)
Rock on!
Earlier this month I travelled to London to visit an old friend. I travelled by Virgin Train on one of their fantastic new Pendolino tilting trains. These trains are truly fantastic and can make the journey between Manchester and London is 2 hours and 15 minutes. The journey down to London was fine but the journey back up as absolutely horrific.
I boarded the train at London Euston and settled into my seat in coach D. All the seats I could see, including mine and the one next to me, were reserved. As the train was pulling out of Euston a young lady came down the isle with two children running around her. Now let me put this into perspective. This young lady could not have been more than 22 years old and was one of those people who should not have custody of a goldfish never mind an actual child. She hovered next to the vacant, reserved seat (not reserved for her I should add) and then looked at the lady sitting at the opposite window and asked "Is anybody sittin' 'ere?". “UM no" replied the lady. "AJ you sit there" she said pointing to the seat next to the lady. She then plonked herself down next to me and her young daughter climbed onto her lap. I don't know how old this daughter was, younger than AJ, but she was certainly old enough to jump up and down on a train seat screaming which she did periodically throughout the journey. This daughter kept bashing into me, the mother kept bashing into
me, both the kids screamed, jumped and ran around. They made a terrible mess of the place. Biscuit crumbs everywhere, the daughter smeared melted chocolate (it was a hot day) all over the fold down table and when they left there were sweet packets and other rubbish left behind. I could fill pages with their antics but I think you get the idea.
So what to do. I have a taste for hard rock and although not a rocker as such I do like
heavy music. After an hour of being pushed, bashed and listening to the kids screaming (and the mother screaming at the kids), I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled out my Ipod and found the loudest, baddest heavy metal I could and turned the volume up until I couldn’t hear the screaming any more. I started off with Rammstein's Rosenrot album and when that finished moved on to Trivium's album The Crusade. While I could no longer hear the kids screaming I was still being pushed and bashed. With just over an hour left in the journey the mother got up to take the kids to the toilet. When she retuned she didn't sit next to me! She booted AJ out of his seat and sat next to the lady. I should point out that by the end of the first hour both the kids were out of control and AJ was spending very little time in the seat unlike his little sister who had been driving me nuts while she sat
on her mothers lap. Anyway, with the seat next to me vacant the rest of the journey was more pleasant. Result!
(Fri 30th May 2008, 13:00, More)