» I witnessed a crime

Chicken Wars
When living in a pub during my youth, I could see 2 franchised fried chicken shops from my window (not only the chicken shops, other stuff as well)... anyway.... I think they were something like "Chicago Chicken" and "Fast Go Chicken."

Instead of competing with eachother with prices or least cases of salmonella found, they had a much more novel method.

You'd see a load of drunk blokes talking to chicken shop #1 manager, taking a few notes and box of food... they would then proceed to beat the shit out of the other chicken shop. The next night, same group of blokes would be outside chicken shop #2, accepting notes and food and would return the beating to chicken shop number #1.
Happy days watching the chicken wars! Should get Ross Kemp out there to make documentary.

Length? A chicken bone.... first post.
(Tue 19th Feb 2008, 11:16, More)

» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

Wibble Wobble...
When perched upon the toilet, I pretend I'm being interviewed by Jonathon Ross.

topics include.. my latest book/movie/caught shagging a super model.
(Fri 14th Mar 2008, 14:20, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

That's ASDA Price
Bit of a back story -

I decided that being a fat bastard was getting a bit tedious and decided to go on a diet. Not just any diet, the mother of all diets. 500 Calories a day, just powedered soups and shakes.

I've lost a wopping 9 stone on this, but nearly put it all back on in poo.

With these shakes, you can add this special "Mix a mousse" powder that makes said shakes into lovely angel delight type treats.. made of rubber or something, as they make mega dense poos. So dense, they sit at the bottom of the pan and the weight of them is no match for the water.
Anyway... so after a few arsebreakers, I finally met my match. King kong was sitting in my bowel, too stuborn and big to reveal himself from his smelly fortress. Now and again smaller poos would push it out of the way to get through... but i could feel the beast in me for a week.
Then.. one morning in ASDA after lots of fibre it was ready to awaken... I ran to to loos, and went into the disabled one - my battleground.

About 5 mins into the poo, I hear some knocking about outside - and think nothing of it. About 25 mins later I managed to get it out of me, so proud.
I then opened the door, to find this little old lady with 2 walking sticks waiting to use the disabled toilets. I, completely and obviously leg abled, bounded out of the toilet - which smelt like a cow had shat in there.
My weigh in the next week revealed that I had lost 4lb more than usual....

This was last week, i think it was a QOTW oman...

Length? Scaled the Empire State Building.
(Fri 28th Mar 2008, 15:56, More)

» Your first cigarette

Iron My Shirt!
Ahh I remember, back in the day...

I went to a women's rights rally and caught the eye of a sweet young lady. After some friendly, playful chit-chat - we retired to my love palace.

She was my first suffragette.


... Please don't hurt me.
(Wed 26th Mar 2008, 15:42, More)

» How nerdy are you?

Multiplayer Notepad
I still hang out in IRC Channels... a dying art.
(Thu 6th Mar 2008, 12:30, More)