b3ta.com user SpookySpoon
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» Darwin Awards

last saturday night
me and mrs funhappyslide are mid row. As i have a mouth full of sweet and sour pork with rice i go to finish her sentance with ''shut up''. As i inhale to put her in her place a pork ball lodges in my throat. Mrs funhappyslide then says ''i hope you fucking choke'' which i duly did. after 30 seconds of her laughing at my near death i have to perform a certain manoever on myself using the sitee. I promptly vomited all chinese, beer and wine all over her. I nearly died. She got what was coming to her. Are we even?
(Wed 18th Feb 2009, 15:30, More)

» Shops and Supermarkets

Sainsburys; Alperton
Standing in the queue behind a scruffy man purchasing the following items:
1 bottle supermarket brand Vodka
50 X 6 packets of burger buns
5 bottles of bleach
What sort of BBQ's does he host?

Also once saw a fella in the crisp isle, he stared at the crisps for a minute or so, removed Kiwi shoe polish from his trolley and replaced it with Sainsburys own brand Bacon Crispies. What on Earth can Bacon Crispies do better than shoe polish???? WHAT???
(Tue 15th May 2012, 19:56, More)

» Housemates

I used to live with a coke dealer
i did alot of it...alot. I don't think you can grasp the amount, and it was all paid for by cooking and cleaning. I was a bitch but that year was fucking awesome!
(Wed 4th Mar 2009, 12:31, More)