b3ta.com user chovnik
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» Local Urban Legends

Jonny Rocco
The bloke dressed like a gangster of the 1940's and always carried a violin case. He used to patrol the pubs in Openshaw and Manchester from 1980 until about 1994 I reckon. The rumour was that inside the case he carried a gun and as a young impressionable lad he certainly had an aura about him. He got in a scuffle with some lads who tried to nick his gun at which point the case opened and a large of amount of porn was deposited onto the pavement. I lost track of him after that but am reliably informed he carried on regardless until he passed away.
(Wed 18th Jan 2017, 14:41, More)

» Heckles II

At a Rangers match a few years ago. The Rangers fans started singing "There's only 2 Andy Gorams". It had been in the newspaper that morning that he had been diagnosed as a schizophrenic.
(Fri 13th Jun 2014, 12:38, More)

» I Hurt My Rude Bits, Again

It was like arterial spray
I was at work and caught my cock in my fly whilst pulling up my pants. If only it was my cock instead of my banjo string as then, when after finally freeing myself, the spurt of blood wouldn't have covered the mirror. It was whilst i was trying to clear the blood off the mirror that my line manager walked in finding me with tears in my eyes, blood all over my hands and my my limp cock danging in the wash basin. To prove my innocence of anything sordid I chose to roll my foreskin back to prove it was bleeding only to get him with another litte splurt. Had to go hospital where they eventually put a disovable stitch in. On the plus side my foresking now goes as far back as my right knee.
(Thu 7th Mar 2013, 16:29, More)

» Random Acts of Kindness

I once bought an egg, bacon & sausage muffin with a cup of tea for a tramp who lived under a bridge in Manchester on my way to work as it was snowing and had been all night. I knew he must have been really cold and as I had passed him every day for a week or so and he had not harassed me for cash I thought it would be a nice gesture (payday flashness). When I passed him the said fayre he looked me in the eye, not with gratitude but with anger. "I dont fucking drink tea, can you go back and change it for a coffee" were the words ringing in my ears as I walked off cursing. "And theres no brown sauce either" was the last I heard and saw of him.
(Thu 9th Feb 2012, 13:20, More)

» One Night Stands

It was more of a drunken knee-trembler in the basement of a building in Xaverian college in 1986. We were next to where the bikes were locked up and there was an RE class going on about 20 feet away. She also had a broken leg in a plaster at the time. We both became known as slags thereafter and it wasn't long before I left. Shit shag as well.
(Thu 13th Mar 2014, 16:49, More)
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