b3ta.com user insectra
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» Puns

A fellow farm hand....
....Was heading out to the hay fields. He asked me if I was coming. I said, "Nah, I'm just breathing heavy."
(Fri 6th Mar 2009, 16:44, More)

» Gambling

seagull roulette
I farmed on an island for several years and in my spare time I worked as a stern-hand on a lobster boat. My job was to band the caught lobsters and re-bait the pockets that go into the traps. I spent a lot of time emptying old, disgusting herring from bait pockets and stuffing them with new, disgusting herring. But it was fun.

The captain of the boat hated gulls. I loved them. I used to dump some of the old bait pockets on the stern table to attract the ring-billed, herring, and black-backed gulls, much to his consternation. A few of the birds would let me get pretty close to them.

One day I bet the captain of the boat $50 that I could get a gull to take a herring from my hand. I have quite a bit of experience in wildlife rehabilitation and I'm familiar with the audacity of the black-backed gulls. He went in for the bet. The first immature greater black-backed gull that landed on the stern table took not one, but two, herring right from my hand. Needless to say, I was $50 richer and feeling pretty smug.
(Sat 9th May 2009, 16:03, More)