Profile for Jonny Wishbum:
A powerful man with big hands
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A powerful man with big hands
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Guilty Pleasures, part 2
My young lady
is a very gentle soul and also a bit naive. A few weeks ago after a Saturday night curry and cider session we were laying in bed enjoying the prospect of a few more hours lay in before another lazy Sunday of pub lunches, cider, and a bit of afternoon mucking about. As I lay there it suddenly occurred to me that I had never properly consummated our union (by this I mean I had not farted near her as mine could kill a yak at 20 paces) I'm not sure what it was but suddenly I felt the time was right and turned to her and uttered the immortal words,
"Do you know what a Dutch oven is?"
As she began to shake her head, with a blank look on her face I let out one of those warm, slightly wet farts that smell exactly like a dead tramp covered in shit on a warm day and with the speed of a puma lifted the whole duvet over her head and held her there while the horrible guff did its work. To say she was not happy would be a small understatement. Since then I have enjoyed catching her out whenever we are in bed and I feel the rumble in my guts. I expect to be single very soon but what fun while it lasts!!!
(Thu 13th Mar 2008, 13:22, More)
My young lady
is a very gentle soul and also a bit naive. A few weeks ago after a Saturday night curry and cider session we were laying in bed enjoying the prospect of a few more hours lay in before another lazy Sunday of pub lunches, cider, and a bit of afternoon mucking about. As I lay there it suddenly occurred to me that I had never properly consummated our union (by this I mean I had not farted near her as mine could kill a yak at 20 paces) I'm not sure what it was but suddenly I felt the time was right and turned to her and uttered the immortal words,
"Do you know what a Dutch oven is?"
As she began to shake her head, with a blank look on her face I let out one of those warm, slightly wet farts that smell exactly like a dead tramp covered in shit on a warm day and with the speed of a puma lifted the whole duvet over her head and held her there while the horrible guff did its work. To say she was not happy would be a small understatement. Since then I have enjoyed catching her out whenever we are in bed and I feel the rumble in my guts. I expect to be single very soon but what fun while it lasts!!!
(Thu 13th Mar 2008, 13:22, More)
» Shit Stories: Part Number Two
Oh dear really?
That train story has been told a few times I'm afraid so if we're all playing that way i'll tell you the story of when i got a bucket of fried chicken and it turned out to be deep fried shit. Or the time i did a shit and i looked down only to see i had pooed out the big book of urban legends. Cock and Balls my dear cock and balls
(Tue 1st Apr 2008, 13:31, More)
Oh dear really?
That train story has been told a few times I'm afraid so if we're all playing that way i'll tell you the story of when i got a bucket of fried chicken and it turned out to be deep fried shit. Or the time i did a shit and i looked down only to see i had pooed out the big book of urban legends. Cock and Balls my dear cock and balls
(Tue 1st Apr 2008, 13:31, More)
» How nerdy are you?
I had
every Fighting Fantasy book ever written in order on a shelf above my bed until i was 19. I still read 'Titan the fighting fantasy world' book every now and then even though i know it all by heart.
I also once, while smashed on stickers, arranged my DVD collection by colour and then by director. I have a girlfriend honest guv!
(Thu 6th Mar 2008, 12:18, More)
I had
every Fighting Fantasy book ever written in order on a shelf above my bed until i was 19. I still read 'Titan the fighting fantasy world' book every now and then even though i know it all by heart.
I also once, while smashed on stickers, arranged my DVD collection by colour and then by director. I have a girlfriend honest guv!
(Thu 6th Mar 2008, 12:18, More)
» Advice from Old People
My Old Man
Once told me,
"Never shit and fall back in it"
It's bloody true as well!!!
(Fri 20th Jun 2008, 9:48, More)
My Old Man
Once told me,
"Never shit and fall back in it"
It's bloody true as well!!!
(Fri 20th Jun 2008, 9:48, More)
» Have you ever seen a dead body?
Grandad
Died very suddenly, one minuet he was fine and the next he had had a massive heart attack and was fighting for his life. I remember helping to wheel him up to the correct ward (God bless the NHS) and the doctor telling us there wasn’t much we could do. I took my Nan home and because she was in a bit of a state I stayed with her. She went to bed and I sat on the sofa. We all knew that he wouldn’t last the night so I decided to stay up and drink a bottle of scotch to help relax. I got the call at 4 in the morning that he had gone and had to organise a cab to take me and my Nan back to the hospital to see him one last time. When I saw him laying there I knew he was gone and that what was in the bed was just a shell. It also helped that I had consumed the best part of a bottle of Bells or I don’t think I would have had the guts to see him. Sorry for the length and the lack of humour but it's my first post.
(Tue 4th Mar 2008, 16:08, More)
Grandad
Died very suddenly, one minuet he was fine and the next he had had a massive heart attack and was fighting for his life. I remember helping to wheel him up to the correct ward (God bless the NHS) and the doctor telling us there wasn’t much we could do. I took my Nan home and because she was in a bit of a state I stayed with her. She went to bed and I sat on the sofa. We all knew that he wouldn’t last the night so I decided to stay up and drink a bottle of scotch to help relax. I got the call at 4 in the morning that he had gone and had to organise a cab to take me and my Nan back to the hospital to see him one last time. When I saw him laying there I knew he was gone and that what was in the bed was just a shell. It also helped that I had consumed the best part of a bottle of Bells or I don’t think I would have had the guts to see him. Sorry for the length and the lack of humour but it's my first post.
(Tue 4th Mar 2008, 16:08, More)