b3ta.com user Kaplaaah
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» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

Don't tell the RSPCA
Sometimes, when life is getting me down, and Ive got nowhere to turn...
I turn the washing basket upside down with my cat underneath, and watch him move round the room like a little K9 robot... pausing only to poke a cute paw out in the vain hope that his whole body will fit through the hole.
Eventually, I will probably do this to my son.
(Mon 17th Mar 2008, 11:57, More)

» Workplace Boredom

Helpdesk shennanigans
I could never understand how anyone could set a password and promptly forget it the next day.

And we had a few repeat customers who would call us up on regular basis, sometimes the day after we'd reset their password to tell us that they'd done it again.

So, I'd reset their password to one of the following:


Of course, the more the net took off and therefore the uptake of l33t, we could get away with this less and less.

In fact, in the end we could only do it to anyone over 45, but it still made me smile when I got to do it to the elected mayor (on a regular basis).
(Sat 10th Jan 2009, 18:18, More)

» Customers from Hell

The Big Bosses Touch Typist
A call came down to the Helpdesk via one of the many minions, telling us that the Big Bosses PA, who was much too important to call herself had a problem with Word.

She was typing away at a gazillion words per minute, but it was all coming out gibberish.

It was a Friday.

We couldn't figure it out, so we said we'd get her pc in for testing on Monday.

On Monday it miraculously fixed itself... so we carried on blissfully ignorant of what it was that was wrong, assuming it was a strange blip - or that she was an idiot.

A few Fridays later an irate big bosses touch typer called us herself this time - it was doing it again and she was mightily unimpressed.

We couldn't fix it - we left it for a Monday collection.

Monday came and it was back to normal. Go figure...

Anyway a few more calls about this Friday thing, and one of the lads in the office who'd farted and pissed us all off, was forced to go up and see her after the Big Boss called our boss to tell us he was now pissed off too because it was doing "it" again, and she couldn't get this report finished. And he wanted that report. Yesterday.

This lad watched her do her amazing touch typing and it all came into focus.

He came back to the office, and told our boss what was going on... And our boss promptly picked up the phone and said "We figured out the problem" to the big guy "your secretary is shitfaced and has her fingers on the wrong letters".

And so ended that little drama... and we moved on to the woman who used her cd rom tray as a cup holder.
(Tue 9th Sep 2008, 13:53, More)

» Siblings

My sister is unwitting comedy genius
When she first got into using t'interweb, we were chatting away on msn about who knows what when I decided I needed a coffee and a cig.

"AFK" I typed
"What's AFK mean? she asked
"Away From Keyboard" I replied
"Ok" she said "You can tell me when you get back"
(Mon 5th Jan 2009, 11:06, More)

» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

I dont really have a story this week...
But I did once refuse to call an ambulance when my slightly deranged nutjob of an ex decided to take 60 headache tablets and a bottle of vodka after I'd caught him dressed as a woman, and dumped him.

My mother told me Id regret it if he died - to which I replied "Why? That way I'd get the flat".

He was later sectioned against his will because he put me as his next of kin and I could sign the paperwork!

And that may all sound very harsh, but he deserved it.
(Thu 5th Jun 2008, 13:02, More)
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