b3ta.com user wobbegong69
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» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

Toilet Scrawlings
Many years ago I worked at an animal feed mill, and once had to use the factory bogs for a crap, rather than the much more pleasant office toilets. I got sat down in one of the traps and spotted a piece of grafitti that has stuck with me ever since:

"If your shit weighs more than 6 1/2 pounds, please chop and lower by hand"

Wise words indeed.........
(Wed 2nd Apr 2008, 11:11, More)

» My most gullible moment

Cluck, cluck..........Moooo!
When I was a nipper, my dad came home from work one night and made himself cheesey scrambled egg on toast. It smelled fantastic, so I asked if I could try it (I'd never seen or smelled such a delicacy before). It tasted superb, and so I questioned him about it. He told me that he'd got some special eggs on the way home to make this gastronomic wonder. What was so special about these eggs? They'd been laid by chickens who had been fed, as well as their normal feed, cheese for three weeks...

Believed it for years.........knackers!
(Thu 21st Aug 2008, 23:05, More)

» Pet Peeves

Where to start..........? Deep breath.........
Men's toilets in pubs - why does some wanker always think it a good idea to kick the lock off the cubicle door/smash the seat off/piss all over the seat? Bastards.

People who drink coffee on the way to work - save money (and your high street) by getting up half an hour earlier and making in the comfort of your own home.

Smug I.T. workers - don't sneer at me if I'm not a computer expert. You must have to rely on someone qualified in a different field to you (Doctor, dentist, etc.)

Those little charmers who insist on entertaining everyone nearby with the music blasting tinnily out of their mobile phones (or as they're known in 'Viz': "Rat Boy Slim")

People who demand the right to take their babies/young children into pubs and then ignore them when they scream the place down. As a childless 40 year old bloke, shouldn't I be allowed a sanctuary from this?

Cyclists - I cycle, but those riding on the footpath piss me off, as do those clumps of cycling club members who, generally on a weekend, refuse to travel in single file, even on twisty country roads.

Must stop - blood pressure rising - vein throbbing in head.......
(Wed 7th May 2008, 20:26, More)

» Pet Peeves

Yet another one.................
People who slag off the readers of a particular paper, be it beardy lefty Guardian readers or foaming at the mouth Sun or Mail Nazis......last time I looked, we were living in a democracy (allegedly), which means people have the freedom to express their opinions....

Erm....I know I'm ranting, but how about a bit of tolerance all round?
(Thu 8th May 2008, 10:59, More)

» Pet Peeves

Specifically, those little arseholes who seem to think it's fantasically cool to spit every third step - it isn't, it's a filthy habit. I'd like to drown the bastards in a vat of saliva......
(Thu 8th May 2008, 10:54, More)
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