b3ta.com user sarcasminasuit
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» Gyms

S club 7 in watersports shame
Years ago i belonged to a gym just outside Bath. The posh kind that doubled up as a posh country hotel.

Thats the scene set..one day in the mid 90's there is a bit more than the usual activity in the gym. "She looks familiar" thinks Pilpsuk..."and her...and her too"

Turns out they were the girls from S club 7 - including the racist one (who wasnt racist at the time)

Overcome with excitement i retreat to the pool and then the spa I dont know about you, but swimming does something to my bladder. No sooner was I in the hot bubbly water than Rachel Stevens and others come in too.

Pilpsuk faces a dilema. Does he stay and perve or does he go to the loo and risk some perve getting his place. Ah, I do both.

I can honestly say that I pissed on S club 7
(Wed 15th Jul 2009, 14:06, More)

» My most gullible moment

she never forgave me
My very dim ex-girlfriend was only good for two things. Oddly, i reaped more fun from the less obvious one and prefered to revel in her gullibility.

We were talking about getting a new car - something she knew nothing about...whilst in the old car she nipped in the newsagents for OK or something similar "can you look in the car section and get a couple of magazines Escort and Fiesta?" she knew they were cars - bright girl.

I almost wet myself watching her go though them. just when i thought my fun was over, she was lost from view..only to appear with the newsagent who kindly pointed to the top shelf and reached up for said magazeines from the top shelf.

we didnt last long after that.
(Wed 27th Aug 2008, 19:10, More)

» Celebrities part II

Fancy a kickabout?
I was 3 1/2 and living in Southport. Lovely place. Used to be posh but now, well, scousers...

Now, given Southport's proximity to Liverpool, it was quite common for celebrities and the like to spend a bit of time there rather than in Liverpool itself. You can see why.

My nan took me for a stroll down Lord Street..
"Look, he is a footballer..do you want his autograph?"
Like I knew who he was. I was only just 3 FFS!
But she got it me anyway - written on the back of one of his cig packets.

And his mate gave me 10p

I wasnt keen on kicking the football back to his other mate though. Footballs are hard you know.

I screamed so loud the street emptied.

It was only afterwards when i was quite a bit bigger did I learn I has snubbed George Best for an autograph, 10p from Bobby Charlton and screamed at Bobby Moore and his mate with the funny eye Gordon Banks. There was some other bloke there too "with a big chin" was all nan could remember.
(Mon 12th Oct 2009, 13:24, More)

» Neighbours

you want to use my toilet?
Now i like my neighbours. they are an Italian couple and live - not suprisingly next door - the other half of a semi.

Their house mirrors mine...50's semi. They moved in a few years after me - my house is more modern and doesnt smell of pasta.

Mrs Italian knocks on the front door

"ello init"
she comes in and declines a cup of tea.
"I wanna do toilet" - a bit odd as you could just go next door but i point her to the recently converted cupboard off the hallway had been converted in to a downstairs toilet. When i say "toilet", I mean "room just big enough to have a wee in provided you do it standing up"

pops her head round the corner...just as Mr Italian knocks on the front door
"oh, Mr Italian, he want to do toilet too"
by some act of contortionism he manages to squueze in too. This is just wrong. they are having italian sex in my toilet i thinks.

Then out they pop - imagine twins being born at the same time,

"Yeah, it good...we do toilet like yours too"

They want to make a toilet.

The really disturbing thing was not that, but one of them managed to have a wee whilst they were in there
(Wed 7th Oct 2009, 13:42, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

It was sport relief day
oh, its topical!

a few years back i had a new trainee working with me. I should say im a solicitor. 40. male. single. My firm was as dull as anything. Never anything out of the ordinary

she was 23. Karen was far from ordinary.

"so, have you got your uniform sorted for tomorrow?"
"comic relief Karen, we all dress up. this years theme is...(now i should have stopped myself here) school"

bless her.

she managed to fit into her school uniform and only took 90 minutes to realise i had not been completely honest with her.

she never raised a sexual harassment grievance. just as well, i was head of employment
(Fri 19th Mar 2010, 10:18, More)
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