b3ta.com user Kia Ora
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» Accidental innuendo

Makes a change from being hit by a train.

(Mon 16th Jun 2008, 9:34, More)

» Puns

Already Bindun??
I hear Gary Glitter is off to Florida for his summer holiday.

He's going to Tampa with the kids.
(Tue 10th Mar 2009, 11:43, More)

» Iffy crushes

Liza Tarbuck
Massive norks and a really filthy laugh.

Would like to roll about with her.
(Thu 6th Oct 2011, 18:09, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Footy Fun
Back in the day, when I was making my debut for the football team I was playing with, I informed our manager that I wasn't 100% fit. He replied, "That's okay, Seeing as it's your first game I will probably pull you off at half time".

Which beats a slice of orange any day of the week.
(Wed 18th Jun 2008, 12:20, More)

» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?

Nutty exes
A few years ago, I split with my then gf, it was quite amicable and a few months later we got back together. It was then that alarm bells should have started ringing as she told me that in the time we were apart she used to be out in the car and just happen to drive by my house, despite living 25 miles away.

Anyhoo, we decide to go to Rhodes for a week. First night we have a huge bust up which results in her screeching at me like a deranged harpy. Same again the following day so I tell her that when we get home we shouldn't see each other anymore, which results in more hysterics. I leave her with 1 of her friends who lives there and meet up with some Scots guys who are in our hotel. Later on that night, still totally hacked off, I got chatting to some English girl, after a few drinks she invites me back to her apartment, much humping ensues.

The following day, I was still pissed off and couldn't wait to go home. I was wandering along the street when I passed a travel agent advertising flights. I enquired if there were any flights to Edinburgh and was told the only 1 to the UK was Manchester. After a moment's thought I paid the 100 Euros. I went back to my hotel, she was lying in bed. I told her I was going home, she said if I went she would never speak to me again. I told her I hated her and that I had slept with someone else the night before, she ranted and raved, threw the contents of her make up bag at me. I got all my clothes together and walked out without another word. Jumped in a taxi to the airport, flight to Manchester, then a train to Edinburgh and I was at home 12 hours after walking out the hotel room.

I received a text a few days later from her saying "We are finished, I never want to see you again"

Err...no shit!!!
(Thu 5th Jun 2008, 12:10, More)
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