» Tales of the Unexplained

Another Thing
Happened to a mate of mine who works for CID in Manchester. He was involved with a murder investigation and had a hunch that this guy, a bloke with learning difficulties, had been the murderer although it turned up at interview that he had an alibi. Whatever, my mate believed that this bloke (let's call him Colin) knew the killer. His girlfriend at the time also worked for CID, but they'd been having problems. She'd trailed Colin but had ended up being abducted, presumably by the killer. My mate was driving from the scene of the abduction and was very distressed, as you would be if you're girlfriend had just been abducted. He got out of the car to calm down and was hit by a speeding vehicle which he reckons came out of nowhere. He woke up in 1973. Was he mad, in coma or back in time? What ever it was it was like he was on a different planet. Maybe if he could work out the reason, he could find his way home...


Doo, doo, do do do, do, do do
(Thu 3rd Jul 2008, 15:14, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Ooh err missus
At our boys' Catholic High School (note to self: if by quirk of fate or freak of nature I ever have children they're going to a mixed school) most of us used to fantasize about our German teacher. She was in her early 30's, fairly attractive (by this I mean better than any other options us sexually deprived catholics were getting at the age of 14 such as the 40+ RE teacher who was quietly smoking herself to death and the female art teacher with a moustache - hurray for HRT) and all of us wanted to shag her. She walked into class one day and said the following:

'Sorry I'm late boys. I was in charge of an oral exam and couldn't leave until someone came'

Cue pubescent laughter.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 12:27, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

When I was 8...
I attended my cousin's wedding reception in a big old castle in County Durham. It was late, I was probably tired. To get to the toilets you had to leave the ballroom, go down a flight of stone stairs and the toilets were situated on a sort of stone corridor with busts and suits of armour etc. I went to the toilet, came back and as I walked back up the stairs I saw a spectral blue and white figure come out of the wall at me. I found out later that the castle has a reputation for being haunted by "a blue lady". I screamed and it's now one of everyone's overriding memories of the wedding on those rare occasions the family can ever stomach being in a room together (i.e. 70th birthdays, funerals).

Now I've written it down, I realise what I've just written is a big pile of wank that actually looks like it was written by a 9 yr old rather than someone approaching their mid twenties. But I've posted it anyway because backspace is for losers and I'm bored.
(Thu 3rd Jul 2008, 12:28, More)

» Accidental innuendo

And another...
A classic from one of my friends which I remind him of every time we meet: Easter before last we were discussing university football tours and the tradition of t-shirts/polo's with a squad number and name on the back as our other friend had come back from such a tour in Salou (or somewhere). He prededed to tell us about one of the rather slutty netballers who (rather than going for something prosaic e.g. Woodsy, Sarah, slapper) had a number on her back above which was apparently written "Cum on my face".

Friend #1: I like "Cum on my face".

We go to pains to bring it up every time we see him.

(Christ, that's a shit story. I must be bored. Actually I am - supposed to be writing a bloody dissertation, it's getting nowhere and I'm on here. Up yours acadaemia)
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 12:36, More)