b3ta.com user DiscoStew
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» My most gullible moment

Binary Code
I have no particular expertise with computers, and in fact did manage to write off a £2000 laptop by spilling Pepsi Max on it. But whenever something goes wrong (and this happens often, not only am I clumsy with carbonated drinks but I can't resist certain things, like pressing big shiny red buttons with "DO NOT PRESS" written on them in very serious looking font) I'm too cheap to get someone competent to sort it out, and spend many determined hours searching for do-it-yourself solutions. This is not always easy, especially when I have to ignore flashing error messages and periodic overheating (due to cat hair clogging up the fan - this I DID have to get an expert to sort out). But I usually find out what's wrong, and store the information away in my brain for the next time I click the wrong thing.

So my friends turn to me for computer help. Bless them.

One time I was called to a friend's house because, and I quote: "IT WON'T TURN ON, IT WON'T TURN ON, OH MY GOD WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ALL MY COURSEWORK IS ON HERE, OH MY GOD PLEASE HELP, IT WON'T TURN ON".

When I get there I tell my hysterical friend to go and get us some drinks, preferably not Pepsi Max, while I have a look. Well the solution is obvious in 3 seconds, even without the assistance of Google. A lead has fallen out and the PC isn't connected to the power supply. While I'm crouched under the desk plugging it back in, the OCD sufferer in me races to the surface and starts seperating wires from the hideous mass of black plastic that hangs forlornly down the back of the desk.

When she comes back in, my friend sees the computer miraculously whirring into life and me straightening out the wires connected to it.

"Oh my god," she says weakly. "You fixed it! What was the problem?"

"Well, you know that computers run on binary code don't you?"

She knows no such thing of course, but she nods quickly so as not to look stupid.

"The zeros can squeeze through any kind of wire, but the ones always travel sideways and it can be really difficult for them to navigate the bends. You have to keep the wires straightened out so they can get through."

To this day, she faithfully straightens all the wires feeding her PC once a week so the ones can flow through easily. Bless.
(Thu 21st Aug 2008, 20:00, More)

» Unusual talents

I am one of the few people in the country
who can train and drive a team of oxen. They are not stupid as popular sayings suggest but learn voice commands much quicker than dogs, and after a few times of re-tracing a route you don't have to tell them where to go. It's true that they can be very stubborn though.

I'm quite proud of it, especially since I'm a girl.
(Tue 23rd Nov 2010, 12:25, More)

» Pointless Experiments

Buttered Cats
Bread always lands butter side down, and cats always land on their feet. We all know this. What we didn't know, and what I was curious to find out, was what would happen if you selotaped some bread to a cat's back (butter side up) and threw the cat from a good height. Would butter side or feet win?

Turns out the cat lands on its feet then spends three blissful hours licking butter off its fur.
(Fri 25th Jul 2008, 21:35, More)