b3ta.com user jvz
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» Caught!

Back to my late teenage years a mate of mine had tinted the side and back windows of his car using a reflective film. This was great for driving up and down the sea front where we lived during the summer admiring the talent without being seen. One day I became aware that the young lady I was studying while we were stopped at some traffic lights was starting to look rather annoyed. I then realised that I had wound the window down.
(Sat 5th Jun 2010, 1:55, More)

» Prejudice

On the rugny field.
Told to me by the minister of my church. Born in the UK he is of black descent and has the skin tone and slightly worryingly is a dead ringer for President Kazi of Afghanistan. A few sunny days do bring the pigment forth.
He used to play rugby and was captain of his team in a previous parish. He had recently returned from a holiday in sunnier climes.
As they lined up for kick off a member of the opposing team was heard to mutter "Nail the fucking nigger." The prop, married to a Chinese lady was away at a speed props do not normally move at and was knocking seven bells out of the player who'd made the comment.

He's dragged off. The referee now gets involved and says "As referee your game is over and I am now going to inform your club committee that you are barred from playing in this league as is the team if there is a recurrence of this behaviour. As Inspector XXXXX I could arrest you for X, Y and Z. Disappear before I decide to." He then turned to the prop. "Striking another player off the ball. Can't let that go unpunished. Sin bin 10 minutes.
(Fri 2nd Apr 2010, 23:06, More)

» Accidental innuendo

What was the conference about?

"I'm at a conference today. The chief executive of the Public Health authority has just started her presentation by apologising to delegates for not standing as she fell off her bike last week and has a big gash at the top of her leg".
(Tue 17th Jun 2008, 16:41, More)

» It's Not What It Looks Like!

How to give my mum a heart attack.
My mum is quite traditional in her views was rather shocked to answer the phone to, "It's the Child Support Agency, could we speak to JVZ please." I had applied for a job there. I was desperate.
(Mon 13th Dec 2010, 20:36, More)

» The Dark

Lights out.
On a church youth weekend in Scarborough the usual problems of getting teenagers to settle. The lights had been out for quite some time and eventually the giggling, farting all stopped for a moments silence broken by Kate, "Put it away Craig! I'm not in the mood!"
(Wed 29th Jul 2009, 18:15, More)
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