» Accidental innuendo

Proof that the voice work autonomously
I studied Italian at university. This meant two years in the UK, one year abroad and then the final year back in the UK.

During my year abroad, I was asked to join the ladies' football team for the college I was in. I am possibly the least sporty person alive, so this was laughably inappropriate.

Back in the UK, I was telling a uni friend about this, a friend I had a gay crush on who was in our university football team.

"Honestly," I said. "Can you imagine me dribbling between people's legs?"

This statement kept her giggling, and me blushing, for about three hours.

On my return to the UK for my final year, I moved into a house that had a bin in the back yard, but no way of carrying it through to the road for refuse collection (except through the house, which I found appallingly unhygienic, even though I was a 12-day-old bowl of cornflakes-eating student). My new housemate explained that it was OK, as there was a passageway behind the backyard and you left the bin there on collection days.

"Right," I said. "So the bin men come up your back passage?"

In both these instances, I knew - halfway through speaking these ill-fated sentences, that I needed to shut up, but my voice and mouth just carried on regardless. Free will is an illusion, it really is.
(Tue 17th Jun 2008, 19:05, More)