» Food sex

sticky wine gums
I once bet my bf that he couldn't fit a fat juicy wine gum under his foreskin. He countered with "fine but you have to eat it afterwards"
I agreed - that thing looked massive, there was no way it would fit in. But it did. Quite easily.
After staring at the sticky wine gum in my hand for a good couple of minutes, I closed my eyes and popped it in my mouth...I'm not sure I'll ever live down the shame.
(Fri 7th Aug 2009, 10:43, More)

» IT Support

zomg a girl!!!
being a female support technician working for a property developer, i am quite often greeted by snobbery. property development staff are complete toffs and are very demanding.
the worst of which is that when i answer the phone they basically ask for any member of staff who isn't female. they're of the opinion here that all women can do is take messages, anything else we do is too taxing for their pathetic misogynistic little brains to understand. little do they realise i out-qualify every member of staff on the support team and am probably the most helpful, friendly and useful one of the lot. i am not boasting, it's just that the rest of my team are complete and utter imbeciles. and i don't like being rude to people no matter what they say to me it's like i'm compelled to be pleasant.

having said all that i have handed my notice in, new job next week w00t!!!

some amusing calls/questions recently:
what/where's the tab key?
type up and correct this document for me
what's a back-slash?
i need to order a new modem, my pc won't turn on
my computer is broken (meaning their monitor)
my monitor is broken (meaning their computer)
i've lost a file. i don't know what it's called or where i saved it or when it was deleted.
my document won't open i want a new computer
i want an iphone Simon in accounts has an iphone and i want one also and i want all my emails on it (manical laughter ensues)

mostly it's laughable but grrrr!!! i most dislike people telling me what they want me to do to fix it. i don't ring them up and tell them how to do their job, and they're usually wrong.

and just for the record, i'm only in this job because i transferred offices and they totally and utterly shat on me big-style by lying about the position and then sticking me on the support desk. i suppose that doesn't help matters!
if i get any more lols this week i shall post them
(Mon 28th Sep 2009, 11:07, More)

» Dodgy work ethics

burger buns
During my student days I was a bit desperate for money. The only place that would have me down in Pompey was .
I was on a late shift, the only girl I will add, when the lads started getting a bit silly. I don't really know quite how the subject was broached, but they basically suggested they would all quite like to see me naked. I tried to laugh it off, and then it started to take a bit of a sinister turn when they began peeling £20 notes out of their wallets...including the manager who had put by far the most in. He was also the ugliest.
Before long £200 was sat on the counter. I can quite honestly say I believed that if I did as they suggested and stood naked in a filthy greasy kitchen, that I might not have made it out alive. I ran all the way home!
(Mon 11th Jul 2011, 21:39, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

shoes and bags
i know us girls are supposed to love these things but i cannot imagine anything more boring than the process of shopping for bags (even that in itself is dull. ooh a brown one. ooh that one's pink. errr...yay?) then going home and checking they match your outfits and then having to take every little thing out of your bag to put in the new one several times a week because they don't match what you're wearing that day.

shoes - most women's shoes are designed to cause maximum pain in the feet, heels, ankles, thighs and often result in extremely tiny fairy steps because everything else is just too painful. if i ever wear heels its always a disaster - i need an entire reel of plasters or i'll bleed all over the place and freak people out.

consequently, i own a pair of DC skate shoes and one bag. that's it apart from all-purpose black "smart" shoes which i almost never wear. i can run with my shoes on for the train, and my bag is simple, goes with everything and doesn't sit gathering sweat under my armpit........................ and no i'm not a lesbian thank you :) xXx

EDIT: oh and also ketchup. i just don't understand
(Wed 21st Oct 2009, 18:52, More)

» Unemployed

has anyone else noticed the irony in this?
if i liked my job, i wouldn't be on here half as much...to the point where i'm constantly checking the links board for things to make me smile...(thankyou for the recent post of the happy spider!)

i can't wait until summer, i'll be facing the unknown of unemployment in an unspecified location somewhere in Britain. but at least i won't be here!!!
(Mon 6th Apr 2009, 15:11, More)