» Workplace Boredom

Work Games
I work in a supermarket which can,if i'm brutally honest,be mind-numbingly fucking dull.However there are ways to alleviate the tedium,my favourite being this.
This game can be played alone,but is better with an audience and has but two simple requirements.
1)An aisle busy with customers.
2)A gut full of beer farts (we have found that stella produces the most noxious odour).
Simply stroll down the aisle as though busy with your work,whilst secretly releasing as many trouser coughs as possible.They must be inaudible above the ambient noise or you will be rumbled.At the end of the aisle about turn and watch with barely disguised glee as the customers first begin to catch scent of your air crimes and then start looking accusingly at each other,unaware of the real culprit.
We've been doing this for as long as i can remember and it never ceases to brighten up the day.
So the next time you catch whiff of something foul in your local supermarket,look out for a smirking member of staff not too far away,they are the guilty party.
(Sat 10th Jan 2009, 17:57, More)

» My Biggest Disappointment

Tomorrows world
As i child i was enthralled by this programme; spaceships!,flying cars!,Robot butlers!.So where the fuck are they?.As near as i can tell the only significant advances in technology are mp3 players and mobbile phones,neither of which will take me to outerspace or do the washing up for me.Those fucking arseholes lied to us and i want a fucking refund.Cunts.
(Sun 29th Jun 2008, 13:12, More)

» Advice from Old People

Now it makes sense
As my mum was a paragon of good manners i was told from an early age (when i could understand English)to always hold the door and let a lady enter a building first.I now realise that this is obviously to avoid the dangers of a terrrorist ambush or booby traps.Cheers Ma!
(Tue 24th Jun 2008, 10:57, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Night idiots
A couple of years ago a friend and i ended up doing a weeks worth of night-shifts together.As we were the only two people in the shop and both with single figure mental ages, much fucking about ensued.

I won't bore you with all the details, but highlights included:

Making suits of armour out cardboard boxes.

constructing a wall of boxes across an aisle,then crashing through it in a trolley,pretending to be the sweeney.

Randomly scaring the shit out of each other by jumping out of cupboards,creeping up or screaming over the tannoy.

Having most of a bottle of Ardbeg left over from a tasting table for lunch.Lunch being half two in the morning.

And finally,playing NWA over the tannoy at three in the morning,only to discover that you could hear it quite clearly outside the shop when we went for a smoke.

Got away with all of it.
(Tue 22nd Sep 2009, 16:33, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

Abducted!!!!
I was at the pub last night after a fulfilling day spent making witty observations and drinking cider with my peers,when suddenly everything went black and the next thing i knew i was lying on top of my bed at home.What forces could move a man over a distance of an imperial mile leaving him with no memory of the journey and prevent him taking off his trousers before going to bed?Watch the skies people.
(Sun 6th Jul 2008, 14:38, More)