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Profile for Graham Coxon out of Blur:
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Best answers to questions:

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

What's really thick and lives on a globe?
A flat Earther.
(Sun 13th May 2018, 12:33, More)

» UFOs and close encounters

There's this bloke on the internet right,
Who reckons he's an alien and posts really fucking tedious essays about it.
(Thu 1st May 2014, 15:33, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You II

My dad told me I had to wear smart trousers to a christening.

(Thu 10th Aug 2017, 12:35, More)

» School Days

Are there lots of people in Mianus?
Mr Triggs was a substitute teacher taking us for French one afternoon after PE. All the exertions the previous period had left us in no mood to work.

Mr Triggs knew this and instead of making us work decided to regale us about the two years he spent living in Alsace.

Yes, he told us, 30 bored teenagers, about the very enjoyable time he had in Alsace. Boy did we snigger.

Much fun was had trying to get him to say more hilarious innuendo without him cottoning on.

"Was it warm in Al's Ass sir?"
"Was there a lot of room in Al's Ass sir?"

Our fun was ruined when thicker-than-pigshit-boy, who seemed to be the only one who actually thought Mr Triggs was regaling us with tales of rampant bum sex, piped up with:

"Did you wear a condom up Al's Arse?"
Which was met with the reply:
"Very funny. Now back to work, all of you."

The thick twat.
(Thu 5th Feb 2009, 12:52, More)

» God

Maladicta below reminds me.
Religion was never forced down my throat at school but every Christmas and Easter we were frogmarched down to the church and made to sing hymns and wonder at the sight of the most fervently atheist kid in school out bible stories. (He fancied one of the girls who also did this.)

This went on for what felt like hours. Every boring word in the reverends monotonous whine dragged on forever, merging into the next word to form one big boring noise.

To make time pass slightly quicker we did what all good teenagers should and made up words to the hymns.

“Dance, Dance,
Wherever you may be,
On the grave of a dead baby,
And we’ll wake him up,
From his deep sleep,
We’ll wake up the baby zombie”

“Please remain standing for the next hymn”

The sheet slid on to the Over head projector.

“It’s cumbyah, we whispered excitedly, fantastic” We stifled a giggle. We all knew the verses “Kiss my ass my lord”, then “someone’s shagging my lord”, “have a wank
My lord” and “suck my cock my lord”. We steadied ourselves, looked at each other, drew breath and sang just quiet enough to not be noticed if everyone else sang,

“Kiss my ass my lor…” but just loud enough so the entire church could hear if nobody else sang, because everyone else remembered that no one sang the introductory verse.

On the bright side we didn’t have to go back the next year.
(Sat 21st Mar 2009, 19:40, More)
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