b3ta.com user Chojin
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» My most gullible moment

Not me, but my sister
When she was little and it was the middle of December I told her it was Christmas day so she opened all the presents under the tree.

Cut to my parents smacking her into next week and me sitting in the other room laughing like a mong because she's too young to explain her actions.

I still laugh to this day.

Apologies for length, she couldn't wait.
(Fri 22nd Aug 2008, 22:34, More)

» School Naughtiness

Fart Machine
Does anyone remember those remote controlled fart machines you could buy from Argos (or still can) where you have a speaker and a button to activate the device from afar? Well two of my 'friends' had smuggled the device into an RE lesson with a particularly animated and old-school teacher. One of my friends had the activation device and one friend had the speaker.

The teacher was going through the usual RE drivvel and no one was paying much attention - until a short, loud fart left the speaker much to the amusement of the class with the teacher getting slightly angry.

Now I remember that the machine had alternating frequencies and density. The second sound was about 10 seconds long and the volume was considerable. My friend was still laughing as the fart was varying in volume and frequency.

The teacher couldn't get his head around this and ordered the boy out of the room whilst the sound continued (he suspected nothing). What ensued was him shouting at the top of his voice about how outraged he was and that the boy should see a doctor about his bowel movements.

Completely worth it and I would suggest this trick to anyone forced to sit in a pointless lesson with an aged teacher.

Apologies for lack of theasarusian descriptions.
(Fri 9th Sep 2011, 12:36, More)

» First rude thing I ever saw

Mud-Wrestling scene from Teen-Wolf
nuff said.
(Fri 12th Aug 2011, 9:55, More)

» Tightwads

Uncle Pete
I have an uncle and when we were all invited over to stay for the weekend many moons ago, he asked if me and my sister were fussy eaters. My dad told him that my sister is a tad fussy but as long as there's cereal she'd be happy as a pig in sh!t.

so we arrived at the house for the weekend to find that my uncle had hidden ALL traces of cereal in his house. we were told he was all out but later found the boxes under the sink or some stupid hiding spot.

the sunday morning we were told by my uncle and his then wife/gf/whatever that they would treat us to breakfast.

so my father took us all off to tesco with the promise of a nice full english. when it came to paying my uncle refused to pay and stated that it was actually my fathers idea to go there in the first place.

some kind exchanges were made to the effect of 'fuck off you tight twunt' - and they didn't speak for years.

until this year when he brings over the offspring from his failed marraige who proceeded to try and demolish our house. happy days.

(However there is a moral to this story. hsi wife divorced him for a younger man (what happens when a 35 year old marries an 18 year old), got custody of both children, got the majority of the house which was a secluded lovely house in the middle of the country.) and now he's a jobless wonder who is still tight as ever, but poor as fuck.

(Fri 24th Oct 2008, 11:02, More)

» Get Rich Quick

Tuck Shop Extortion
Back when I was in year 7 (1997) our year went on a school trip to Netherswell Manor.

On the first night there was panic as everyone had heard the tuck shop wouldn't be opening on the first night. Luckily me being a mothered little shit my mother had packed me off with a bumper pack of wagon wheels, monster munch and calypso drinks (anyone remember those?)

At first I stupidly opened them up and started gourging myself whilst laughing at the plight of my fellow students going to sleep without any sweets which are the lifeblood of any young school child.

I came upon a plan to sell each item at 50p each. At first orders were slow and I managed to make about £5 from my room, but before I knew it the entire manor had descended upon my room. I'd like to add some hilarity but everyone kept in line and I made about £20 by the end of it.

This money not only paid for any tuck shop sweets I wanted for the remainder of the week but it also paid for some comics i'd had my eye on when I got back home.

Should I have just given away all the food to the needy? Do I regret my DelBoy mineral water selling extortionate pricing scheme? Do I fuck.

*POP* - Apologies for price.
(Tue 5th Aug 2008, 10:05, More)
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